Archives For April

One thing I am absolutely convinced of is that it is physiologically impossible for anxiety and peace to co-exist in a person at the very same moment in time. These two states of being are engaged in an all-out war, and your heart is what’s at stake.

More and more during the course of day-to-day activities, I’m hearing signs of rising anxiety. The news reports on radio, TV, and internet are enough to push most anyone to the point of fear.

Then there’s the incredible oil prices, which are elevating prices of nearly everything, from gasoline to groceries and beyond. The mortgage crisis and record levels of consumer debt further exacerbate anxiety, as does this unbelievable political season. I have never been one to declare that the sky is falling, but I will not quickly dismiss today’s fears and anxiety as simple paranoia either.

In the face of increased stress, people seem to be working harder and longer hours, just to keep the bills paid. Stress leads to anxiety which can easily lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair, even clinical depression. Just today a client said to me, “I just feel so completely overwhelmed. It’s like one person just can’t make a difference the way things are now. I mean, it’s really scary how things are in our world.”

That is a true statement. After all, history serves as a pretty good indicator that things will likely get worse before they get better. We know that when the economy is bad, our society can seem to go nuts. Burglaries, thefts, and violent crimes all tend to increase in response to the rising stress level. So does marital and family strife.

Here’s the good news: Not one thing that is happening in the world is a surprise to God. In fact, He remains solidly in control. Let these verses encourage your heart today:

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33, NIV)

Do not be anxious then, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘With what shall we clothe ourselves?’ For all these things the Gentiles eagerly seek; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:31-32, NASB)

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your forebearing spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7, NASB)

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7, NIV)

Regardless how crazy things seem to get in this world in which we live, my prayer is that your faith is firmly in Christ. If not, I’d love nothing more than to share that hope with you. Feel free to contact me.

If you are struggling to manage your fear and anxiety, please don’t bottle it up. There are people who can help you cope more effectively. Perhaps the most courageous thing you can do today is just reach out and ask for that help.

 

A beer on the bookshelf

April 29, 2008 — 2 Comments

Those of you who know me well can attest that I am a passionate champion of advocacy, particularly as it relates to all things regarding counseling and recovery. I’d like to share with you my latest frustration.

Several months ago I visited a large bookstore to purchase a couple resources for clients struggling with sexual addiction. As I looked through the “Addiction and Recovery” section, I found a number of excellent resources from experts in the field. Some were based on the 12-step model. Others were more theory-based or homework-oriented.

You can imagine my surprise and dismay to find among those resources a number of sexually-charged books featuring a lot of bare flesh — in some cases, couples that were completely naked. I was absolutely outraged because I know how something like that can serve as a major source of frustration and temptation to one seeking to find sobriety and recovery.

I was so outraged, in fact, that I took the time to speak with the manager to explain my thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, he seemed to pretty well dismiss my comments, opting to refer me to the big guns at the corporate office “where all the decisions are made.” So I did write them and have yet to hear back.

In a recent return visit to this same bookstore chain, I found the situation unchanged. Among books such as Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, Don’t Call It Love: Recovery from Sexual Addiction, and The Sex Addiction Workbook, I found other resources on sexual positions and successful threesomes (whatever that may be), all featuring lots of skin.

Being the persistent person that I am, I again asked to speak with a manager. As I provided (perhaps in vain) a brief explanation of why the integration of these resources is completely inappropriate and, in fact, undermining to individuals in recovery, she gave me a brief explanation of why things were stocked as they were. “You see, there are just so many books on human sexuality that we had to continue the ‘Sexuality’ section onto the first two shelves of the ‘Addiction and Recovery’ section,” she said. Then, pointing to the top two shelves, she added, “Anyway, the ‘Recovery’ section really doesn’t begin until the third row.”

As I took a cursory glance at the other titles in that section, I prayed for a way to help her understand my passion for this issue. I saw titles related to eating disorders, sexual abuse, smoking, and codependency.

Then I saw several books related to alcoholism. And I had an epiphany of sorts. Pointing at the alcoholism resources, I told the manager, “The way you have all these books integrated, you might as well have a beer on the bookshelf right next to this book on overcoming alcoholism because to a sex addict, these sexuality resources are just as much a problem.”

She replied, “Oh, really? I think I get it now. I’ll talk with our other managers at our next staff meeting and see what we can do. But these decisions are made at our corporate office and based on the amount of shelf space purchased by the publishers, so it’s a pretty complicated thing to change.”

So is addiction. But hopefully at some point, a positive change will be made. For now though, I will continue to purchase therapeutic resources for my clients and re-sell them at cost — rather than sending them into the lion’s den to risk a major downward spiral.

The next time you visit your local bookstore, I encourage you to check out these sections and let me know what you find.