January 22 will always be a significant date to me . . . but not just because of my son’s birthday. While the joy my children have brought me is impossible to fully describe in words, this date is juxtaposed with a great deal of pain as well.

At 36 years of age, I stand very aware that, given other circumstances, these words might never have been written . . . or even thought. That’s because on this date 37 years ago, the United States Supreme Court handed down a decision that would drastically alter the social and political landscape of this great nation for generations.

In a 7-2 vote, the justices decided that a pregnant woman could terminate her pregnancy for any reason up until “the point the fetus becomes ‘viable.’”

Now 37 years and some 50 million abortions later, that decision continues to generate controversy, stir emotions, and pit family members, friends, and church congregants against one another.

So today, as I live my life, I will recognize it as the gift that it is. As I watch my children run and play, as I listen to them giggle with those carefree sounds only children make, I will give thanks to God for these indescribable blessings.

And as my heart is flooded with gratitude, it also is filled with grief and anguish over those millions of children who never got to see the light of day — all because seven justices arrogantly decided that they knew better than God.

Although ground was broken this week in Houston, TX on what will be the largest abortion clinic in our country, my voice will not be silenced nor my spirit dampened. I will continue to be a voice for life, an advocate for adoption, and a cheerleader for brave women who, despite circumstances, choose life.

In the center of my bible, marking the place of Psalm 139, are photos of my children. I’m so glad they had their own birth days. And I’m glad my wife and I did as well. I guess you could say that I’m doubly grateful.

For those of you who have been misled into thinking life begins months into a pregnancy, I would urge you to remember a simple scientific fact: dead things don’t grow. Abortion is an issue of life or death. Don’t allow the years of history to trick you into thinking killing babies is in any way right, natural, or normal.

Abortion stops a beating heart.

At our house we have a tradition in which we collect blessings shared by our family and friends, write them on paper leaves, and attach them to our ‘tree of thanks.’ This is a great way to practice thanksgiving throughout the month — and to model gratitude for the children.

There are so many things for which we are thankful. Big things. Little things. And things in between. But in the Conner home, we are careful to remember that every good and perfect gift is from above.

Of course, not everything that happens in life is considered to be a good thing. But for those of us who are in Christ, we know that He causes all things to work together for the good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. So, your list of blessings will likely include things such as patience and faithfulness in bringing you through a particularly difficult situation. Or maybe your list will include trials which made you stronger and more dependent on Him.

Whatever the case may be, as you begin November, I encourage you to consider a family activity like the ‘tree of thanks’ as a way to focus your hearts in preparation for the coming holiday season.

Give thanks with a grateful heart . . . and see how much your perspective will change!

IT’S YOUR TURN!

• What are you most thankful for this year?

I must admit that I’m not all that big a fan of Halloween. Pumpkins are fine. And I’ve even been a scarecrow once or twice in my adult life. But times have changed a lot since I was a kid.

When I was young, my brother and I used to love dressing up and going door-to-door on our country road, collecting all kinds of candy from the neighbors. Of course, that was then — and this is now. The big difference is that people in our community actually knew our neighbors. We visited with each other. We cared for each other during tough times. We shared meals and exchanged homegrown vegetables and homemade jams.

These days the busyness of life keeps many of us from knowing our neighbors on a personal level — or perhaps even wanting to be known.

As parents we are faced with more serious challenges today. If you watch the news at all, you certainly understand that parents just can’t be too cautious about the safety of their kids. Gangbangers, drug dealers, and sex offenders too often find themselves nestled in the middle of quiet and unassuming neighborhoods . . . so much so that, at least for my family, traditional trick-or-treating is simply not a viable option.

I enjoy seeing kids in costumes. Adults? Not so much. And I really don’t care at all for scary costumes. I think some of the school and church harvest carnivals provide a good family-friendly alternative — if they’re actually held on Halloween. Too often I think these events just provide an opportunity for layering the candy-collecting craze (or should I say calorie-collecting?).

How do I feel about Halloween? Well, that’s not exactly an easy question for me to answer. I suppose it has much to do with what it means to you. If it’s about death, devils, and demons, I really want nothing to do with it. If it’s about seeing kids dress up in fun costumes and having some family fun — particularly in a safe, church or school setting — then I think it can be OK.

I guess my real concern lies in seeing our schools focus more on Halloween than Christmas. And, yes, that’s definitely happening in many places. We don’t seem to mind legislating Jesus out of our schools, but the devil is always welcome.

In some ways though, I must confess that I think Halloween is probably one of the biggest ways in which believers have become a part of the world rather than just people passing through it. And as I listen to myself, I suppose my own seeming ambivalence underscores the significance of the issue.

The truth is that as believers, we’ve become pretty good at developing ways to share the Gospel during this hotly contested time of year. Through the Pumpkin Patch Parable, special tracts, and outreach events, many churches have worked to make the best of it.

However, one thought keeps coming to me: Just as a recovering alcoholic shouldn’t hang out in a bar, a growing believer shouldn’t flirt with evil. And no matter how we dress it up, Halloween is at its core a celebration of darkness.

1 John 1:5b says, “God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.”

Hmmm . . . maybe I need to spend more time being in the Light than looking for ways to excuse playing in the dark.

But boy, how good we’ve gotten at justifying that!

IT’S YOUR TURN!

• I’m really interested. What are your thoughts on Halloween?
• If you’re a Christian, do you ‘observe’ the day — and if so, how?

However, questions linger and are actually being fueled today by the family’s Thursday night appearance on Larry King Live, in which the previously missing six-year-old said, “We did this for the show.” (Story here.)

I just bet they did.

I said yesterday that I would withhold judgment for a bit. Well, I have some thoughts that transcend the whole balloon incident.

First of all, it would seem to me that these children are being raised in an extremely laissez-faire environment. Why in the world would these kids be playing on the roof with a video camera? And yes, apparently both mom and dad were home at the time, so supervision theoretically should have been going on.

Secondly, I stand by my original statement that these parents (or at least the dad) indicate a huge need for attention that goes far beyond any normal limits. And I simply detest it when people even remotely appear to exploit their children to fulfill that attention need. Jon and Kate are another example of reality shows gone very bad. I suppose that’s why I very rarely tune in to such programming. The skeptic in me is always at work.

Thirdly, I’m all for adventure. And clearly this father is adventurous. With his incredible attraction to science and fascination for exploring extraterrestrial life, he seems quite the character. Add to that this interest in making homemade helium balloons, and . . . well, let’s just say it would seem that his sense of daring and adventure has  overtaken any reasonable level of common sense.

The fact of the matter is that we’ll probably never know for sure what the real situation was. Did the parents really believe the small child was in the balloon? If so, then why did we hear nothing about a detached basket until after the thing crash-landed? I mean, with the whole world watching on live TV, it was pretty clear that there was no basket for the 90 some-odd minutes that I watched.

I guess that on the bright side, this kid will have a great story to write when his teacher assigns the “What’s the Most Exciting Thing That’s Ever Happened to You?” essay.

Never mind. I’m wrong about that. Who wants to read about someone hiding in a box in the attic for four hours?

I guess the dad will just have to keep trying. After all, with a name like Falcon, this kid of his was apparently born to fly.

Better yet, family therapy and parenting classes. Now there’s an idea worth pursuing.

Our move to North Little Rock has been such a rich time for me and my family. We absolutely love our church and community. I am really enjoying my ministry and staff team. And God is clearly working in and through us to have Kingdom impact.

But I’d by lying if I said the move had been easy for my son. We tend to think of kids as really resilient people — but the fact is that my son is, for better or worse, more like a little adult. He thinks and experiences life at a different level than most of the kids his age. I guess he’s a lot like his dad was as a child.

And that maturity, while often beneficial, also can complicate things. Take friendship, for example. I met my very best friend in Kindergarten. And while our relationship has changed through the years — through marriage, kids, and all the stuff of life — it has endured. I’m one of those people with lots of acquaintances and very few friends. But the friends I have are rock-solid — people I can count on to be trustworthy, dependable, and present in a moment’s notice if the situation called for it.

Well, tonight as my son and I were doing sunshine and clouds, I asked him about the phone call from his friend today. He choked up and started to cry and said in a muffled voice, “I just miss him so much.”

I cried too — not because I also miss friends, although I do. . .not because I typically cry with those who cry, although I do. . .and not because I wish I could somehow better guard my son’s young heart, although I do.

I cried because I love my son, and I hate to see him hurting.

You know, God is like that with His children too. He loves us with a love that is unrelenting. . .a love that won’t let go. And although He understands all our struggles, He also hates to see us hurting.

I know that my son misses his friend. He wants to share with him about the Air Force planes we see around here all the time. He wants to play Legos with him and use that amazing imagination that God has given him. But more than anything, he wants to just be there physically with his friend.

Phone calls and emails – while helpful — are not sufficient to bridge the gap between two hearts. They are no substitute for the companionship that comes from being able to converse and share life together.

And while I’m saddened that this new situation is such a challenge for my son, I am heartened to know that he has learned early in life the value of a friend.

Because everyone needs a friend. And I believe he’s going to make a really good one for someone else very soon.

Communication really is a powerful thing. And it can be positive or negative. As a church staff member, I have always enjoyed church-related jokes and communication bloopers. Take these for example:

• “Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.”
   
• “For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.”
   
• “Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.”

Yes, sometimes in spite of our best efforts, the words just don’t come out quite right. I remember a Seminary president talking in chapel one day about the off-campus centers. . .only he referred to them as “off-center campuses.” Hmmm. . .not exactly the same, is it?

One of my favorite children’s book series is that of Amelia Bedelia, the well-meaning housekeeper who simply took things way too literally. When asked to “put out the lights,” she actually unscrewed the bulbs and took them outside. When asked to separate the eggs, she placed one on the cabinet and one on the stove.

Parents have to be careful in communicating with children as well. . . especially young children. Sometimes they just hear things differently than we intend. During a recent furniture-shopping adventure, my eight-year-old son assured me that mom did not want a couch; “she wants a sexual,” he insisted. Wow, that one was pretty impossible not to laugh about. Perhaps it was his take on the discussion that made me more open to the sectional that now finds its home in our living room.

It is so important to give serious consideration not only to our words but also to our non-verbal and para-verbal communication (elements such as tone, rate of speech, and cadence). In fact, experts explain that only about seven percent of communication actually comes from the words themselves! That’s precisely why we must all be especially careful when communicating via e-mail and text messages. Tone is difficult to accurately interpret, and those silly little emoticons are only marginally helpful!

As you go through this week, I encourage you to be very intentional about the way you communicate with others. Listen for mixed messages. Pay attention to your body language and tone of voice. And choose your words carefully. Don’t expect people to be able to read your mind!

With a little extra effort, you can experience the joy that comes from clear and consistent communication.

There are MANY things I enjoyed about VBS as a kid. Here are my top ten:

10. The smell of that grape Kool-Aid. It just never smelled that strong at home!

9. The sandwich cookies! To this day I still love scraping the filling out with my teeth. It’s one of those things every kid instinctively knows to do — kinda like not eating the crust on sandwich bread.

8. The games we played! I remember playing lots of different games as a young child, but you just couldn’t do any better than Red Rover on the church lawn.

7. The Bible stories! I loved being able to learn more about God’s love for me. VBS always provided a great theme that helped make those stories come to life.

6. The decorations! Lots of work goes into preparing for the VBS experience. As a kid, I just loved seeing the church transformed with color and decorations of all kinds. Those decorations may be a pain to prepare, but they really do help anchor the memory in those young minds.

5. The crafts! The crafts rotation was always one of my favorite parts of VBS. My very favorite craft was a wooden duck candle-holder. It made a perfect gift for my mom (or so she said).

4. The music! I have always loved music, so the songs I learned during VBS really helped the message of the Bible stories stick with me. It’s kinda funny. . .I still know the words and movements of many of those songs!

3. The missionaries! Every year in VBS, we would learn about real-life missionaries. Some years we were privileged to have actual missionaries visit to share their personal experiences, stories, and pictures. Something about that time made missions very real to me.

2. The teachers! I was always blessed to have really good VBS teachers. As an adult now, I understand how hard it can be to get ready for VBS — but I also know that the ministry can be absolutely life-changing, with eternal results for many, many kids.

1. The new friends! Every year I was always thrilled to see lots of fresh faces in VBS. When VBS is done right, a good portion of the attenders really should be children outside the church. There’s no better way to make new friends in the community!

If you are serving in VBS this summer, THANK YOU for your service for the Kingdom. You are making a profound investment in the lives of children and families!

If you have children — even if you do not attend church anywhere on a regular basis — I urge you to find a local VBS for your kids to attend. I can pretty well guarantee that they’ll have a blast. There are great resources for Bible school, but here’s a link to help you find a VBS in your area.

I’d love to hear your favorite memories/experiences from VBS. Your comments are always encouraged!

In recent weeks, having had the opportunity to be at home a lot, I have come to appreciate her even more. Michelle starts her day early each morning — whenever the first kid awakens, sometime between 6:00 and 7:00. Our children are 8 and 3, so our household stays quite busy from sun-up to sundown. Between calls for milk or juice and referreeing sibling disputes, Michelle seldom has any time for herself.

I think Michelle is a natural mom, although she admits that she doesn’t quite consider it a talent to make PB&J sandwiches with her eyes half-closed — which she does almost every morning. There are so many things involved in being a mom — little things, like signing homework papers and kissing injured body parts — and big things, like juggling endless piles of laundry, preparing nutritious meals, and keeping things well-organized. 

It’s been said that moms are cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, teachers, nurses, shoppers, family organizers, calendar-keepers, laundramat operators, entertainers, disciplinarians, and friends — just to name a few of the hats they wear. Mom is one of the few positions in the world that will NEVER face a lay-off. In fact, they seldom get a DAY off!

Moms have been multi-tasking since WAY before that word was in vogue. In addition to their visible everyday responsibilities, moms are tasked with something even more complex. They are charged with instilling faith, hope, and love in the lives of their children. Moms are on the frontlines in terms of helping children learn right from wrong. They are indispensable in promoting both compassion and self-confidence in their kids. I am so thankful that God provided me with a partner who excels in all these areas. Her contributions to our family no doubt often go unnoticed, because I know she does more things behind the scenes than I could ever really imagine.

But the most important thing Michelle does for our family is to be a godly role model for our kids. She models the love of Christ everytime she kisses me and tells me how much she loves me. . . every time she prays for me and the kids by name. . .and every time she chooses to practice patience when faced with trials and frustrations.

Don’t get me wrong. Michelle experiences that overwhelmed feeling from time to time. The good thing is that she only allows overwhelmed to be an occasional visitor in our home — not a permanent resident. And that in itself is a testimony of her grace as a mom.

I love watching Michelle grow as a mother — demonstrating understanding, compassion, and a keen sense of humor. Sometimes that sense of humor is all that gets her through the day!

This Mother’s Day I celebrate the one I always knew would be a terrific mom — my wife, my lover, and my very best friend. Michelle, thanks for being you! I love you bunches! And our kids do too!

Of course, I couldn’t resist the urge to go in and tell her goodnight. She bounced gleefully in her bed, springing up to kiss me on the cheek.

There are many things I enjoy in life, but perhaps none so much as being a Dad. Now, don’t get me wrong. That doesn’t mean I necessarily enjoy the little clothes strewn all over the house. . . or the toys I invariably step on in the middle of the night. . . or the many hidden treasures that wait patiently to be discovered underneath the sofa cushions (and other very creative hiding places!).

But I absolutely LOVE being a Dad.

I hear so many parents complain about their children, practically wishing for a swift transition to adulthood. And I find that such a sad commentary on the state of the family. Sure, juggling kids’ homework and practice schedules and church activities is no walk in the park. It takes time, energy, and a great deal of commitment — not to mention patience.

One thing I know for sure: our attitude is a part of life we have the power to choose. I suppose I could focus on the noise, the mess, and the busyness that goes with being part of a family. I suppose I could focus on the sibling rivalry, the seemingly endless ow-ies, and the less-than-perfect housekeeping routine.

But in those times when I’m tempted to focus on such things, I remind myself that in a very short time, there will be no more little clothes. . . or noisy toys. . . or sofa surprises.

Yes, I fear that one day not too terribly far from now, I’ll rush in from a late appointment. . . and the delightful sound of “Daddy’s home!” will be only a distant memory.

I’m blessed beyond measure to have not just one but two jobs that I truly love. But the job I love the most is the one that requires the highest degree of commitment and provides the lowest amount of pay. Being a Dad is a full-time job — and a life-altering experience.

Every day.

I’m glad I’m home.

For some, the images may include riding bicycles, fishing with a grandparent, helping mom in the kitchen, or bringing home a new sibling — or a pet.

Others may recall sad or troubling images, ones that still bring strong feelings of fear, loneliness, and pain. In fact, those recollections may leave the person feeling like they really are a child all over again. Still others may have very few — or very disconnected — memories of childhood. For many who have suffered abuse as a child, this inability to recall details may be evidence of a special kind of grace. Perhaps the details are just too painful to revisit.

This is the case for many children in our society — far too many.

April is National Child Abuse Prevention month. As a counselor who has done a significant amount of work with children and families, both in clinical, ministry, and residential settings, I can attest to not only the prevalence of child abuse but also to its far-reaching effects on families and communities.

I will not bore you with statistics, although they are disturbing. However, I will encourage you to take seriously the problem of child abuse.

Here are ten ways you can make a difference:

1. Know the signs of abuse. 
     
2. Don’t buy into the “it’s none of my business” philosophy. There’s no telling how many children have died because someone didn’t want to get involved. Know your state’s child abuse hotline, and don’t be afraid to use it.
    
3. Talk with your children about stranger danger.
    
4. Build an open, honest, and trusting relationship with your children so they will feel more comfortable coming to you with details of abuse (of themselves or their friends).
     
5. Encourage your church or civic groups to take seriously the problem of child abuse and to be proactive in the area of protection. This may include revisiting policies, procedures, and security protocol.
    
6. Talk openly with your children about any abuse that plays out on TV or in movies. While you may need to limit your children’s exposure to media, such shows can provide a window of opportunity for teachable moments and honest discussion.
    
7. Get to know your children’s friends — and their families. Remember that abuse does not always happen at the hands of adults.
    
8. Trust your instincts as a parent. If you feel that some kind of abuse may be going on, listen intently to the child and take appropriate action. However, don’t put you and your family in harm’s way. Sometimes it is necessary to involve the police or protective services early on.
    
9. Volunteer at your local Children’s Advocacy Center, a children’s home, or similar organization.
    
10. Know your neighbors. Regularly check the list of registered sex offenders in your area. 

We can make a difference. . . one child at a time.

For more information on the definition and signs of abuse, click here. If you have questions about child abuse or need further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.