Courtesy of Wordle.net

So, we’re well into the new year, and I’m still trying to refine my personal goals. First though, I must make a true confession:

I am not Superman. I am human.

Sure, you’re probably not overly surprised by that. However, at some level I’ve been acting for far too long like I am somehow Superman. Although I’m a minister and understand all too well the dangers of compassion fatigue, I have allowed my life to become completely and totally unbalanced. How do I know?

MY PROBLEM

I work an ungodly number of hours each week, often ‘forgetting’ to grab lunch and frequently staying up until 2:00 or 3:00 a.m. to work on a project. Sometimes I don’t make it to bed at all.

I don’t spend sufficient time with my family — totally focused and engaged with them. Sure, we’re often in the same room, but the ‘electronic leash’ called the iPhone manages to occupy my time and compete for my attention. And I frequently find myself browsing the internet on my phone while browsing a separate page on my laptop. That’s insane.

I don’t take good physical care of myself. We’ve already determined that I don’t always eat meals as I should. What I do eat is usually not that great for me nutrition-wise. We’ve also determined that I don’t get adequate sleep and rest. And I can’t overstate how much of a toll that takes on me in a multitude of ways. It’s no wonder that I’ve developed a number of health issues over the past several years. Fortunately, there’s nothing real serious going on that I’m aware of, but the stress of life exacerbates every little problem. My doctors have warned me that I must slow down and take care of myself.

MY SOLUTION

All of this is just to say that rather than listing a whole lot of resolutions that I’ll probably just end up breaking after a short while, like many people, I’ve decided to focus on just one word for this year. That word is BALANCE.

Now I’m sure that sounds all well and good. I’m sure you’re all for me making some changes. However, this perfectionist is going to have to accept some stark realities. So are those who associate regularly with me.

MY ACTION STEPS

In order to achieve my goal of leading a much more balanced lifestyle, I am going to have to make some choices that — for me — are pretty big ones:

• I will disable the audible e-mail alert on my phone.

• I will not bring my phone to the dinner table. It cannot be welcome there.

• I will not always get work done with the speed and level of detail to which I and those around me have become accustomed. We’re all just going to have to deal with that disappointment.

• I will make a concerted effort to get proper nutrition, exercise, and rest.

• I will delegate some responsibilities to others who are perfectly capable of doing the work.

• I will take time to slow down and spend quality time with my wife and kids. (It’s a well-known fact that ministers often have some of the most dysfunctional children. May that not be my legacy as a father.)

• I will learn to tell people ‘No’ — especially when their need simply evidences poor planning or lack of forethought. Not everything is my problem.

MY EXAMPLE

I am committed to doing whatever it takes to restore balance and health to my life. After all, how can I effectively counsel others to live balanced lives if I’m not modeling that kind of lifestyle? This is not about will-power; it’s about making good choices — one after the other — with God’s help.

BALANCE. It is absolutely non-negotiable for me. I must never let myself get to this point again. Ever.

IT’S YOUR TURN!
What word do you need to focus on during this calendar year?

Did you like this post? If so, you might also be interested in these previous posts:

• A life without regrets?

• Some help with resolutions

• 10 secrets to keeping those resolutions

New Year’s Resolution Guide
                                       
IT’S YOUR TURN!
Do you make New Year’s resolutions? If so, how do you keep on track toward your goals? If not, why not?

Upon waking up at 7:45 a.m. yesterday, instead of my usual ‘Good morning’ greeting to my wife, I simply said, “I’m gonna throw up.” And I did. Unfortunately, that set the stage for a less-than-ideal holiday. The kids enjoyed opening their presents and seeing the things that Santa brought. Michelle cooked up a coffee cake, a fresh batch of party mix, and a birthday cake for Jesus — which, as it turns out, I was really not able to eat.

I’d have given anything to have felt better on Christmas Day because I really wanted to enjoy my family to the fullest extent possible. Since we had no family or friends visiting, in spite of all the decorations and preparations, Christmas became just another opportunity for Michelle to singlehandedly parent the children — while I lay in bed, just trying to stay warm.

Of course, perspective is important and, I think, key to understanding life. The reality is that despite my sickness, we are still among the most blessed people in the world. Consider this:

• While we were enjoying our traditional minestrone soup on Christmas Eve, millions of people around the world went to bed hungry. Again.
• While we were opening an exorbitant number of gifts, all beautifully wrapped, millions of people around the world had nothing at all to open.
• While we were contemplating whether to keep or exchange that less-than-fashionable piece of clothing, millions of people around the world struggled to stay warm.
• While we were reading the Christmas story from the Bible, millions of people around the world had never held a Bible.
• While we were in our comfortable, climate-controlled and elaborately decorated homes, millions of people around the world were among the growing homeless population.

The truth is that most Americans do not just live in excess; we are absolutely spoiled rotten. The other truth is that, if I’m totally honest, I usually don’t see the vast needs of others in the world — because I choose to not see it.

It’s not comfortable.

It’s not real.

It’s exaggerated.

As I think forward to the year 2011, I am determined to look at the vastness of needs around me. I’m determined to lead my own family to leave their comfort zone and be part of the solution to the problems in this world. I’m determined to be less focused on my needs, my wants, and my comfort, and to focus more on the many practical needs of others.

More than festive, lighted decorations . . . more than a five-star Christmas dinner . . . more than pausing just for a few minutes to think about Jesus’ birth, it is following Christ’s example of humility and selflessness that most glorifies Him — not only at Christmastime but throughout our lifetime.

So, rather than harping on the fact that I was sick on Christmas Day, I choose to thank God that I had a warm place to stay, food to eat, a Bible to read, and a family to love.

I am blessed among men in more ways than I could ever begin to count. And I choose to be grateful for His blessings on me and my family.

It’s Your Turn!
On what things in life do you perhaps need a new perspective?

Cat’s in the Cradle
by Harry and Mary Chapin

A child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talking ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew,
He’d say, “I’m gonna be like you, dad.
You know I’m gonna be like you.”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

My son turned ten just the other day.
He said, “Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let’s play.
Can you teach me to throw?” I said, “Not today,
I got a lot to do.” He said, “That’s ok.”
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed,
Said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I’m gonna be like him.”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
“Son, I’m proud of you. Can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head, and he said with a smile,
“What I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please?”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

I’ve long since retired and my son’s moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind.”
He said, “I’d love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job’s a hassle, and the kid’s got the flu,
But it’s sure nice talking to you, dad.
It’s been sure nice talking to you.”
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He’d grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

Life is precious. Time is fleeting. Every day counts. As a father myself, I pray that I will be the kind of role model that I’ll be glad for my children to follow. If you’re a dad reading this and aren’t exactly proud of the example you’ve been, I encourage you to take some time to reach out to your children and decide to make the most of whatever time and opportunities you have left. You can’t turn back time, and words can’t undo any damage that’s been done. But every day counts.

One never knows what tomorrow holds.

We started with a couple days in Orlando, where we did a little sight-seeing and paid a visit to the world’s largest entertainment McDonald’s. It was a pretty cool restaurant, even if the workers couldn’t quite seem to figure out how to take orders. Despite the fancy menu items, I suppose it ran pretty much like any other McDonald’s in that respect. We intentionally saved the whole Disney World experience for a return trip, when the daughter will be old enough to really soak it all in. We did squeeze in a trip to Downtown Disney for some window-shopping and people-watching.

Following our time in Orlando, we drove to West Palm Beach, where we took a two-night cruise to the Bahamas. This was a very fun time for all of us. The scenery was beautiful, the food was delicious, and our time together just couldn’t have been better. The best part though was that my phone was out of service! No calls . . . no emails . . . no text messages — for 48 whole hours!

After docking, we drove to Fort Lauderdale and enjoyed some real down-time at our hotel with a full ocean view. We spent leisurely moments on the beach, riding the waves, collecting seashells, and soaking in the sunshine. Even with some high-powered sunblock, generously re-applied, we each managed to get pretty nasty sunburns. I suppose the sunburn is the closest we came to a lasting souvenir. The burn on my back actually has finger outlines, thanks to the kids hasty help with the sunscreen!

I’ve always enjoyed a good vacation . . . but this one was different. We really were able to enjoy some real rest and relaxation. Although our locations changed every couple days, we didn’t feel rushed. We had great weather, great laughs, and even got to reconnect with some great friends — and make some new ones.

Now it’s Monday again . . . and there are many things that need attention at the office. I think I just might take a few seashells to work so that I can ‘hear the ocean,’ as my little girl says.

Money is tight in this economy. Perhaps you can’t afford a big vacation . . . that’s OK. Just be sure to take some time to enjoy the ones you love. You’ll be glad you did. And you’ll make memories that last a lifetime.

I typically move at light-speed, juggling a-million-and-one tasks, each of which someone out there thinks should be priority #1. I’m learning though the important discipline of self-care; that is, making sure my own spirit is nourished, refreshed, and recharged so that I can be most engaged as a husband and father — and most effective as a minister.

Here are 30 questions I’m already pondering as I think toward 2010:

PERSONAL LIFE

• What do I want to be different in my personal life?
• Who do I want to influence?
• Who do I want to get to know?
• What subject do I want to learn more about?
• What books do I want to read?
• What habit do I want to break?
• What habit do I want to develop?
• What friendship(s) do I need to re-evaluate?
• What places do I want to go?

FAMILY LIFE

• What words do I need to say more?
• What words do I need to eliminate altogether?
• In what relationships do I need to invest more?
• What boundaries do I need to re-negotiate?
• What household chores do I need to do more?
• What values do I want to instill?
• To whom do I need to say, “I’m sorry”?
• Who do I need to forgive?
• Who do I need to affirm/encourage?
• Who do I need to appreciate more?

SPIRITUAL LIFE

• What work do I want to see God do in me?
• What secret sin do I need to stop?
• For whom do I need to pray more?
• What spiritual disciplines do I need to develop?
• How can I intentionally develop relationships with non-believers?
• With whom do I need to intentionally share my faith?
• What part of my life do I need to give more completely to Christ?
• What community ministry do I need to personally invest in?
• What individuals do I need to personally help disciple?
• How much does God want me to give financially for Kingdom work?

I encourage you to take one question each of the next 30 days — and seriously ponder it throughout the day. Customize this list by replacing some questions with others that God brings to mind for you. At the end of the month, you’ll have a pretty good idea of how you’d like 2010 to be . . . and you won’t have to worry with making last-minute promises that you’ll probably end up breaking anyway.

By investing this time in prayerfully considering these questions, you’ll exchange resolutions for a roadmap. As always, I’d love to hear how it goes.

Before that leftover turkey has undergone its radical transformation into soup or salad, the guilt and fear sets in. Guilt, because you get so tired of breaking those promises year after year. Fear, because there’s so much to do and so little time.

Yes, every year we seem to try and cram more and more stuff into the same 20-some-odd days between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Shopping and parties and programs and banquets compete for lines on that crazy calendar. You know, the one we used to keep with pen-and-paper — but which many of us now keep electronically so that it can be properly synchronized with the work calendar, the family calendar, and whichever other calendars are integral parts of life as we know it.

In a matter of just a few days, the calendar looks like a multicolored patchwork quilt, with each event assigned its own category and level of importance.

Well, maybe yours isn’t that bad. But in church life that’s not too much of an exaggeration. I love getting together with people — not that I’m really the life of the party — but I enjoy hanging out over a couple cups of hot cider and a few too many of those calories that come on way easier than they come off!

Of course, sometime in between all that shoppin’ and hobnobbin’, the Christmas cards have to get done. And our list seems to grow significantly each year.

Yes, this is Christmas. Busy, bustling, brimming with opportunities for social engagement. Friends, family, and fellowship.

Why, it’s a spitting image of the first Christmas, isn’t it?

Well, not exactly. Rather than trumpets and fanfare, there was a pretty silent night. Rather than loads of people with beautifully decorated homes offering invitations, there was a simple expectant couple, weary from a long journey, looking for a place to stay the evening. Rather than gripes and groans about an over-extended schedule, there was a generous amount of gratitude for an humble stable and a kind-hearted inn-keeper.

As we get ready for the Christmas season, let’s remember what it’s all about.

It’s not about festive parties . . . brightly-colored packages . . . or fruit-flavored punch.

It’s not about cards . . . or calendars . . . or candy.

It’s not about nutcrackers . . . or eggnog . . . or even the nuts in your family tree.

It’s about a love story.

“For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)

God loved you so much that He sent His Son to come to earth and live as a human . . . to dwell among us . . . to walk where we walk.

With Christmas we celebrate the biggest “I love you” ever spoken.

Love came down. The stars beamed. The angels rejoiced. And the world was forever changed.

Don’t let all your stuff drown out that message. It’s the greatest message the world has ever known.

Take time to enjoy your holiday season . . . and to proclaim the real reason for the season wherever you may go.

Sadly, I think that for many Thanksgiving Day is little more than an opportunity to overindulge on favorite food items, binge on college football contests, and enjoy a day off work.

This Thanksgiving I challenge you to truly pause to count your blessings — “name them one by one,” as the old familiar hymn so aptly puts it. No matter how many challenges this year has brought, there are still countless things for which we have reason to be thankful.

My family and I are grateful for a new church family — and a much-needed increase in empathy for those who are unemployed. As so many continue to struggle with unemployment, I am reminded of God’s provision, and I pray regularly for friends and family members still looking for work.

I’m grateful also that despite sweeping social and political changes, God has blessed us with freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and freedom of the press, among others.

I’m grateful for family and friends who make me a better person than I’d be by myself. Their love, prayers, and constant encouragement challenge me to live a life worthy of the calling I’ve received in Christ.

Many of you have had a tough year. No doubt about it. Scripture tells us to give thanks in all things. And I pray that this Thanksgiving, you’ll be able to do just that.

And as retailers roll out the red carpets this weekend, remember that the best things in life aren’t things at all; they’re those intangibles that we so often take for granted — just because we can’t touch them.

No coupons. No discounts. No early-bird savings necessary. These are the things that are truly priceless.

It’s kind of funny, isn’t it? Just think, one day those things we can’t see on this earth will be the only things that matter. Perhaps we should begin practicing proper gratitude today.

May your Thanksgiving be filled with faith, family, and friendship.

At our house we have a tradition in which we collect blessings shared by our family and friends, write them on paper leaves, and attach them to our ‘tree of thanks.’ This is a great way to practice thanksgiving throughout the month — and to model gratitude for the children.

There are so many things for which we are thankful. Big things. Little things. And things in between. But in the Conner home, we are careful to remember that every good and perfect gift is from above.

Of course, not everything that happens in life is considered to be a good thing. But for those of us who are in Christ, we know that He causes all things to work together for the good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. So, your list of blessings will likely include things such as patience and faithfulness in bringing you through a particularly difficult situation. Or maybe your list will include trials which made you stronger and more dependent on Him.

Whatever the case may be, as you begin November, I encourage you to consider a family activity like the ‘tree of thanks’ as a way to focus your hearts in preparation for the coming holiday season.

Give thanks with a grateful heart . . . and see how much your perspective will change!

IT’S YOUR TURN!

• What are you most thankful for this year?

I must admit that I’m not all that big a fan of Halloween. Pumpkins are fine. And I’ve even been a scarecrow once or twice in my adult life. But times have changed a lot since I was a kid.

When I was young, my brother and I used to love dressing up and going door-to-door on our country road, collecting all kinds of candy from the neighbors. Of course, that was then — and this is now. The big difference is that people in our community actually knew our neighbors. We visited with each other. We cared for each other during tough times. We shared meals and exchanged homegrown vegetables and homemade jams.

These days the busyness of life keeps many of us from knowing our neighbors on a personal level — or perhaps even wanting to be known.

As parents we are faced with more serious challenges today. If you watch the news at all, you certainly understand that parents just can’t be too cautious about the safety of their kids. Gangbangers, drug dealers, and sex offenders too often find themselves nestled in the middle of quiet and unassuming neighborhoods . . . so much so that, at least for my family, traditional trick-or-treating is simply not a viable option.

I enjoy seeing kids in costumes. Adults? Not so much. And I really don’t care at all for scary costumes. I think some of the school and church harvest carnivals provide a good family-friendly alternative — if they’re actually held on Halloween. Too often I think these events just provide an opportunity for layering the candy-collecting craze (or should I say calorie-collecting?).

How do I feel about Halloween? Well, that’s not exactly an easy question for me to answer. I suppose it has much to do with what it means to you. If it’s about death, devils, and demons, I really want nothing to do with it. If it’s about seeing kids dress up in fun costumes and having some family fun — particularly in a safe, church or school setting — then I think it can be OK.

I guess my real concern lies in seeing our schools focus more on Halloween than Christmas. And, yes, that’s definitely happening in many places. We don’t seem to mind legislating Jesus out of our schools, but the devil is always welcome.

In some ways though, I must confess that I think Halloween is probably one of the biggest ways in which believers have become a part of the world rather than just people passing through it. And as I listen to myself, I suppose my own seeming ambivalence underscores the significance of the issue.

The truth is that as believers, we’ve become pretty good at developing ways to share the Gospel during this hotly contested time of year. Through the Pumpkin Patch Parable, special tracts, and outreach events, many churches have worked to make the best of it.

However, one thought keeps coming to me: Just as a recovering alcoholic shouldn’t hang out in a bar, a growing believer shouldn’t flirt with evil. And no matter how we dress it up, Halloween is at its core a celebration of darkness.

1 John 1:5b says, “God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.”

Hmmm . . . maybe I need to spend more time being in the Light than looking for ways to excuse playing in the dark.

But boy, how good we’ve gotten at justifying that!

IT’S YOUR TURN!

• I’m really interested. What are your thoughts on Halloween?
• If you’re a Christian, do you ‘observe’ the day — and if so, how?