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	<title> &#187; grief</title>
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		<title> &#187; grief</title>
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		<title>When holidays hurt</title>
		<link>http://garrickdconner.com/2011/12/16/when-holidays-hurt/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 16 Dec 2011 08:30:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Garrick D. Conner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Blue Christmas]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christianity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christmas]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grief]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loss]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Those who know me can attest to the fact that I absolutely love the Christmas season. Really, everything from Thanksgiving until New Year&#8217;s Day is just fun and festive. I enjoy the music, the lights, the parties, the food. I just like it all. One of my dad&#8217;s favorite Christmas songs is Elvis Presley&#8217;s &#8220;Blue [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=garrickdconner.com&amp;blog=2294139&amp;post=3777&amp;subd=expressionsandinsights&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align:left;"><a href="http://www.garrickdconner.com"><img class="size-full wp-image-3784 aligncenter" style="border:0 none;" src="http://expressionsandinsights.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/christmas-dog-sad-gdc.jpg?w=630" alt=""   /></a>Those who know me can attest to the fact that I absolutely <em>love </em>the Christmas season. Really, everything from Thanksgiving until New Year&#8217;s Day is just fun and festive. I enjoy the music, the lights, the parties, the food. I just like it all.</p>
<p>One of my dad&#8217;s favorite Christmas songs is Elvis Presley&#8217;s &#8220;Blue Christmas.&#8221; For many this year, the holidays are proving especially challenging &#8212; even blue, as the case may be. I know a number of people who have lost loved ones and are spending their first Christmas without a spouse, a child, a mother, a father, a sibling, a grandparent, or a best friend. For those who are grieving a loss, Christmastime can actually exacerbate their feelings of sadness and loneliness. Many of these people will make a brave effort to carry on. They may have managed to haul out the decorations, put up the tree, and listen to some festive music, but it&#8217;s just not the same.</p>
<p>The very memories that comfort can also evoke a deeper pain. Little things the person never even thought about before are now right at the forefront of the mind. They run across an ornament that held special meaning for their loved one, and their eyes begin to water. They hear a silly Christmas song that used to drive their loved one crazy &#8212; or a sappy movie often shared together &#8212; yet somehow this year that memory just underscores the sense of loss. They cook &#8212; or are served &#8212; a favorite holiday food their loved one just couldn&#8217;t do without, and it just doesn&#8217;t taste the same. During times like this we often discover a profound truth: The things we thought we loved most were really only loved because of the ones we shared them with.</p>
<p>There are many firsts that are hard to handle:<span id="more-3777"></span></p>
<ul>
<li>Finding that stocking and knowing it probably doesn&#8217;t need to be hung this year.</li>
<li>Addressing Christmas cards, signed without the deceased family member&#8217;s name. (This exercise is ten times worse when the annual card or letter is the means by which news of the death must be shared with long-distance friends and acquaintances.)</li>
<li>Realizing that this year is the first year &#8212; maybe ever &#8212; that cards and/or gifts will not be exchanged with that special person.</li>
</ul>
<p>Of course, death is not the only thing that can sour the holiday season. There are many parents dealing with devastating illnesses &#8212; for themselves or one of their children. Every effort may be made to make this Christmas the best one ever. After all, the unspoken fear is that this might be the last one they&#8217;ll have together. And even with all the effort put forward, the reality is that neither party may have enough energy to actually enjoy it.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve been reminded this year that life is so incredibly precious. I attended one funeral service last week in Mississippi &#8212; and had another this week that I really should have attended. Over the next couple days I&#8217;ll attend two more. I have several friends and family members fighting extremely uphill battles with cancer &#8212; and other friends who are sitting with their terminally ill children, already in hospice care. For them, twinkling Christmas lights just don&#8217;t matter much right now.</p>
<p>With just a week or so left before Christmas Day, let me offer a few thoughts. Perhaps <em>you </em>are one of those people I&#8217;ve described above. If so, don&#8217;t be too hard on yourself. Everyone grieves a little differently. Resist the urge to isolate yourself from the hustle and bustle around you. The sounds that seem so obnoxiously annoying this year will, in time, gain a new sense of significance that you&#8217;ll again appreciate. Joy can return to your hurting heart &#8212; and it will. Also, know that as silly as it might sound, a &#8216;scheduled cry time&#8217; may take the edge off and allow you to be more engaged with those around you. You must find what works for you &#8212; and unfortunately that process is mainly trial-and-error.</p>
<p>If you&#8217;re someone who just stumbled upon this page and is thinking, &#8220;How depressing!&#8221;, then I congratulate you on your banner year &#8212; but remind you that we usually don&#8217;t know when we&#8217;ll transfer from joy-filled to grief-stricken. Tragedy is unpredictable, and loss is often unforeseen. Be sensitive to those in your life who are going through the holidays without someone they love. Jot them a note of encouragement, just to let them know you&#8217;re thinking about them and you care. Don&#8217;t worry, you won&#8217;t &#8216;remind&#8217; them of their loss; they&#8217;re quite aware of it. It will mean more to them than you can possibly know to hear that someone remembers the hole in their heart.</p>
<p>In practicing grace, kindness, and generosity to those who are grieving, sad, burdened or downtrodden, you will embrace the very essence of what this season is all about. You can&#8217;t keep anyone from having a &#8216;blue Christmas,&#8217; but you can help it be just a shade lighter. (See what one church in Tennessee is doing to minister to those who are hurting: <a href="http://bit.ly/vd3Z0G" target="_blank">Click Here</a>)</p>
<span style="text-align:center; display: block;"><a href="http://garrickdconner.com/2011/12/16/when-holidays-hurt/"><img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/WkjxlngfsKA/2.jpg" alt="" /></a></span>
<p><strong><br />
IT&#8217;S YOUR TURN!<br />
</strong></p>
<ul>
<li>Are you experiencing a blue Christmas this year? If so, what suggestions can you offer for how people can help you?</li>
<li>Have you recently ministered to someone who is struggling this holiday season? How was your attempt at kindness received?</li>
</ul>
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<br /> Tagged: <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/blue-christmas/'>Blue Christmas</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/christianity/'>Christianity</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/christmas/'>Christmas</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/counseling/'>counseling</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/depression/'>depression</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/emotions/'>emotions</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/grief/'>grief</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/holidays/'>holidays</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/life/'>life</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/loss/'>loss</a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gocomments/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/comments/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/godelicious/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/delicious/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gofacebook/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/facebook/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gotwitter/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/twitter/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gostumble/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/stumble/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/godigg/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/digg/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/goreddit/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/reddit/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3777/" /></a> <img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=garrickdconner.com&amp;blog=2294139&amp;post=3777&amp;subd=expressionsandinsights&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>9/11: Ten Years Later</title>
		<link>http://garrickdconner.com/2011/09/08/911-ten-years-later/</link>
		<comments>http://garrickdconner.com/2011/09/08/911-ten-years-later/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 09 Sep 2011 04:24:41 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Garrick D. Conner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[America]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[challenges]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christianity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[faith]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[freedom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grief]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[September 11 attacks]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[uncertainty]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[World Trade Center]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[For people all over the world, September 11, 2001 will be a day that lives in infamy in our memory. It was a day that profoundly changed the way most of us think about life &#8212; and a day that took so many lives and shattered the hopes, hearts, and dreams of so many others. [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=garrickdconner.com&amp;blog=2294139&amp;post=3502&amp;subd=expressionsandinsights&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.garrickdconner.com"><img class="alignright size-full wp-image-3507" style="border:0 none;" title="9-11-2011-America-Remembers" src="http://expressionsandinsights.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/9-11-2011-america-remembers.jpg?w=630" alt=""   /></a>For people all over the world, September 11, 2001 will be a day that lives in infamy in our memory. It was a day that profoundly changed the way most of us think about life &#8212; and a day that took so many lives and shattered the hopes, hearts, and dreams of so many others.</p>
<p>On that Tuesday morning I had been in my office at a residential children&#8217;s facility for about an hour when the phone rang. The voice on the other end belonged to my wife, Michelle . . . yet there was a timbre in her tone that instantly conveyed the message that all was not well. Immediately my thoughts rushed to my then eight-month-old son, Jackson, who was in the house with her. But before I could ask about him, Michelle interrupted and asked, &#8220;Have you seen the news?&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;No,&#8221; I replied, puzzled. I quickly clicked onto a news website and saw &#8216;BREAKING NEWS&#8217; in bright red.</p>
<p>&#8220;A plane has crashed into the World Trade Center,&#8221; she said, her voice shaking. &#8220;It&#8217;s bad, Garrick.&#8221;</p>
<p>I quickly headed to the TV room to turn on the news. Of course, finding the news wouldn&#8217;t be a problem, since it seemed to be on every channel. Within a matter of minutes, I, along with the rest of the waiting world, would soon discover that this was no accident. When the second plane hit the South Tower at three minutes past the hour, I remember my heart just sinking. Those of us gathered around stood speechless, in total disbelief of what our eyes were telling our brains.</p>
<p>In those moments the world as we knew it changed forever. Freedom turned to fear and anxiety to agony as the full scope of this attack on America unfolded in what seemed like slow motion. Within the hour another plane hit the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia. Reporters on the ground struggled to explain what was happening. They couldn&#8217;t quite wrap their minds around it all either.</p>
<p>By the time <a class="zem_slink" title="United Airlines Flight 93" href="http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=40.0511111111,-78.9047222222&amp;spn=0.01,0.01&amp;q=40.0511111111,-78.9047222222%20%28United%20Airlines%20Flight%2093%29&amp;t=h" rel="geolocation">United Airlines Flight 93</a> crashed in a field near Shanksville, Pennsylvania, I remember thinking to myself, &#8220;When will it end? What&#8217;s next?!&#8221;<span id="more-3502"></span></p>
<p>Of course, my job didn&#8217;t really afford me the luxury of becoming a shell-shocked couch potato, as much as I wanted to be just that. As the manager of that residential program, I was responsible for the emotional and physical well-being of a number of children, ranging in age from five to twelve years. As the houseparents received word that the schools were dismissing children, we all began to shift into survival mode. The kids would have questions. We all did. But the one thing none of us could afford to do was let the kids know we were upset.</p>
<p>I met quickly with our morning shift workers and discussed our action plan for dealing with the kids and their families. Above all, the plan involved channeling our adrenaline into positive thoughts and actions. Somehow on 9/11 the world seemed a whole lot smaller . . . a lot more connected . . . and a lot more caring.</p>
<p>As I went to the store that day, I couldn&#8217;t help but notice that every single person I encountered &#8212; from the customers in the parking lot to the cashier behind the register &#8212; was feeling much the same as me. I couldn&#8217;t wait to go to bed that night. I think something inside of me thought that maybe if I could just get to sleep, then when I woke up I&#8217;d realize that the chaos of that day had been nothing more than a bad dream. As I would find out on Wednesday morning, it was an absolute nightmare &#8212; a national one with far-reaching implications for every person on the planet: Evil is real, and there&#8217;s no way to escape its influence in our lives.</p>
<p>Now ten years later, I look back on 9/11 and feel things much the same that I felt on that very day. As I reflect on that dark time in our nation&#8217;s history, one thing stands out perhaps more than any other. In the few days following 9/11, people were nicer . . . friendlier . . . more grateful for the little things. In those times people turned to the church for comfort, for solace, and for answers to questions the world couldn&#8217;t seem to explain.</p>
<p>Like a person who suddenly lost a neighbor or friend, the whole country was made fully aware of the fragility of life, the uncertainty of tomorrow, the amazing lack of control we have over so many things. As we remember 9/11 and pray for those whose lives were irrevocably changed due to the evil plans of a few, wouldn&#8217;t it be great if we could somehow recapture that appreciation for life we all had once the fires were extinguished and the dust began to settle?</p>
<p>Perhaps the very best tribute we could offer on this day of remembrance would be to again hug our families tightly, do something kind for a neighbor, and thank God for the many blessings we each enjoy. The heroes who died bravely striving to save lives on that day wouldn&#8217;t want us to wallow in self-pity. They&#8217;d want us to fully embrace the wonder of this gift of life . . . to treasure each moment with family and friends . . . and to fight passionately to keep the freedom that still makes America a beacon of light today.</p>
<p>Surely we can muster the courage to do that. Surely.</p>
<p><strong>IT&#8217;S YOUR TURN!<br />
</strong>What 9/11 memories most stand out in your mind? What do you see as the enduring lessons from this page in our nation&#8217;s history?</p>
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<br /> Tagged: <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/america/'>America</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/challenges/'>challenges</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/christianity/'>Christianity</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/emotions/'>emotions</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/faith/'>faith</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/fear/'>fear</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/freedom/'>freedom</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/grief/'>grief</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/life/'>life</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/september-11-attacks/'>September 11 attacks</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/uncertainty/'>uncertainty</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/world-trade-center/'>World Trade Center</a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gocomments/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/comments/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/godelicious/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/delicious/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gofacebook/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/facebook/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gotwitter/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/twitter/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gostumble/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/stumble/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/godigg/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/digg/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/goreddit/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/reddit/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/3502/" /></a> <img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=garrickdconner.com&amp;blog=2294139&amp;post=3502&amp;subd=expressionsandinsights&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Sometimes the tears just come</title>
		<link>http://garrickdconner.com/2010/07/09/sometimes-the-tears-just-come/</link>
		<comments>http://garrickdconner.com/2010/07/09/sometimes-the-tears-just-come/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 09 Jul 2010 05:08:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Garrick D. Conner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Stress]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Throughout the course of life, I am confronted with many opportunities to come alongside others and share the love of Christ. There are countless ways in which that love can be expressed. Just this week alone I&#8217;ve found myself in the path of a wide variety of people &#8212; people in my office, people on the street, people many [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=garrickdconner.com&amp;blog=2294139&amp;post=2346&amp;subd=expressionsandinsights&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.garrickdconner.com"><img class="size-medium wp-image-2352 alignright" style="border:0;" title="prayer2" src="http://expressionsandinsights.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/prayer2.jpg?w=270&#038;h=227" alt="" width="270" height="227" /></a>Throughout the course of life, I am confronted with many opportunities to come alongside others and share the love of Christ. There are countless ways in which that love can be expressed.</p>
<p>Just this week alone I&#8217;ve found myself in the path of a wide variety of people &#8212; people in my office, people on the street, people many states away via phone or internet &#8212; people who are . . .<span id="more-2346"></span></p>
<p>. . . questioning the existence of God</p>
<p>. . . struggling to know He cares</p>
<p>. . . dealing with the reality of death</p>
<p>. . . grieving a complicated loss</p>
<p>. . . seeking to connect with God</p>
<p>. . . processing impending unemployment</p>
<p>. . . celebrating a newborn baby</p>
<p>. . . asking tough questions of God</p>
<p>. . . working to save their marriage</p>
<p>. . . dealing with rebellious kids</p>
<p>. . . contemplating the purpose of life</p>
<p>. . . hoping for the best</p>
<p>. . . expecting the worst</p>
<p>Sometimes there are no words.</p>
<p>Sometimes there are no actions needed.</p>
<p>Sometimes the tears just come. And I realize that no words are required. Only love. Only compassion. Only tenderness.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s at those times that God takes over, and I sense His Holy Spirit at work in me and around me.</p>
<p>And I know that He is good . . . faithful . . . completely in control.</p>
<p>And I remember that He is love.</p>
<p>And that His grace is enough for me . . . just as it is for you.</p>
<blockquote><p>In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who controls our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God&#8217;s will. &#8212; <em>Romans 8:26-27</em></p></blockquote>
<p><strong><span style="color:#000080;">INTERACT WITH US</span><br />
</strong>How have you had the opportunity to minister this week? How has God used someone to minister to you in a time of need? Let your words encourage someone today. Join the conversation on our <a href="http://www.facebook.com/expressionsandinsights" target="_blank">Facebook page</a>.</p>
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		<title>Tough lessons in leadership</title>
		<link>http://garrickdconner.com/2010/06/28/tough-lessons-in-leadership/</link>
		<comments>http://garrickdconner.com/2010/06/28/tough-lessons-in-leadership/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 29 Jun 2010 02:48:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Garrick D. Conner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[challenges]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Dallas]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[Let me start this post with a disclaimer of sorts: I&#8217;ll be the first to admit that have an opinion on just about everything. And even though I&#8217;ve been in Arkansas for a year now, I still keep tabs on what&#8217;s going on in the Dallas area &#8212; particularly since I spent so many years [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=garrickdconner.com&amp;blog=2294139&amp;post=2068&amp;subd=expressionsandinsights&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.garrickdconner.com"><img class="size-medium wp-image-2075 alignright" style="border:0;" title="leadership2" src="http://expressionsandinsights.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/leadership2.jpg?w=300&#038;h=138" alt="" width="300" height="138" /></a>Let me start this post with a disclaimer of sorts: I&#8217;ll be the first to admit that have an opinion on just about everything. And even though I&#8217;ve been in Arkansas for a year now, I still keep tabs on what&#8217;s going on in the Dallas area &#8212; particularly since I spent so many years in D/FW and still have many friends and colleagues there.</p>
<p>All that said, there are lessons we can learn from reading and watching the news. I admittedly try to limit my consumption of it, since it is clinically proven as bad for our health. Still, the events of the past nine days have been eye-opening to me &#8212; and I&#8217;ve been reminded of some tough lessons in leadership that are perhaps worth sharing.</p>
<p>For those of you unfamiliar with the big story from the D/FW metroplex, on Father&#8217;s Day (June 20) the adult son of the brand-spanking new Dallas Police Chief, David Brown, Sr. (in that position for about two months) killed Lancaster police Officer Craig Shaw as Shaw responded to the call of a shooting at an apartment complex. (<a href="http://www.wfaa.com/news/crime/Lancaster-officer-involved-in-shooting-96765754.html" target="_blank">Click here to read the original story from WFAA</a>). According to the report, &#8220;the Lancaster officer — a five-year veteran of the force and the father of two children — was answering a &#8216;shooting in progress&#8217; call around 6 p.m. when there was an exchange of gunfire.&#8221;</p>
<p>A 37-year-old five-year officer &#8212; a husband and father of two children &#8212; was killed on Father&#8217;s Day by the son of the new Dallas Police Chief.</p>
<p>OK, so it&#8217;s a bad situation already. A tragic loss of life for a family. The only officer killed in the line of duty in the history of the Lancaster department. And a pretty rough start, I&#8217;d say, for the new head of DPD, who must deal with not only the loss of an area officer who was killed by his son &#8211; but also with the loss of the son himself &#8212; also killed in the incident.</p>
<p>Fast forward to Sunday, June 27, after a full week of a news dominated by coverage of the incident, the aftermath, and the preparations for the funeral of a police officer.</p>
<p>Just when you think a situation couldn&#8217;t get any worse . . . well, it does.<span id="more-2068"></span></p>
<p>(<a href="http://www.wfaa.com/news/crime/More-details-arise-in-ordering-of-officers-for-Brown-Jr-funeral-procession-97331259.html" target="_blank">Click here for that part of the story</a>.) Essentially, in the chief&#8217;s absence, two assistant chiefs made a grave mistake by calling multiple Dallas officers to escort the funeral procession for the chief&#8217;s son, David Brown, Jr. Apparently this assignment was not made long before the officers&#8217; primary assignment of escorting the same-day funeral procession for the Lancaster officer who was killed in the line of duty &#8212; by the Dallas chief&#8217;s son.</p>
<p>With profound empathy for all involved in this terrible situation, I share the view of countless others &#8212; that this decision, regardless of the reason, was not only wrong; it was also offensive to the family of Officer Shaw. I admit that being the brother of a state trooper makes me particularly sympathetic to this salt in an open wound.</p>
<p>Now the escort debacle doesn&#8217;t materially change the situation even one bit. Two men are dead. Two men are buried. Many friends and family members are left to pick up the pieces and somehow move on in light of the reality of their passings.</p>
<p>However, this awful situation highlights some key principles of leadership, among them:</p>
<ol>
<li><strong>Leaders must be prepared to lead.</strong> Crises happen every day in our lives. Situations demand quick response time. The problem is that when leaders lack the judgment to make sound decisions under pressure, then insult is added to injury and fuel to fire.<br />
   </li>
<li><strong>Leaders must be willing to accept responsibility.</strong> When a gaffe as big as this funeral procession fiasco happens, ownership means saying &#8216;I&#8217;m sorry&#8217; &#8212; not defending the bad decision to the nth degree.<br />
   </li>
<li><strong>Leaders must be willing to intentionally surround themselves with other solid leaders.</strong> No individual is an island unto himself. Those who constitute a leader&#8217;s nucleus of support must be capable of stepping up to the plate and delivering effective results, consistent with the collective integrity of the organization&#8217;s members.<br />
    </li>
<li><strong>Leaders must be willing to learn from the lessons of life.</strong> No one could have predicted something like this. Nothing can undo the damage that has been done. No words can assuage the raw hurt. Time alone does not heal wounds; it&#8217;s what we do with the time that counts. Leaders do well to reflect on their decisions in the company of others for the purpose of identifying any clouded judgments or possible blind spots.</li>
</ol>
<p>Situations like this take time to process. Every day many of us face challenges in leadership on a different scale, but nonetheless challenges which we must be competent to handle. When people begin to view us as incompetent, lacking confidence, or belligerent, it&#8217;s probably time to start packing the bags &#8212; because leadership demands respect, and respect demands trust. Without those two essentials, one is not really leading anyone. He&#8217;s merely taking a walk.</p>
<p>And not a one of us is exempt from that harsh standard of evaluation. Only by the power of Christ can we lead well through the hills and valleys of life.</p>
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<br /> Tagged: <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/challenges/'>challenges</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/choices/'>choices</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/christianity/'>Christianity</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/dallas/'>Dallas</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/grief/'>grief</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/leadership/'>leadership</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/life/'>life</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/loss/'>loss</a>, <a href='http://garrickdconner.com/tag/trust/'>trust</a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gocomments/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/comments/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/godelicious/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/delicious/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gofacebook/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/facebook/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gotwitter/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/twitter/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gostumble/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/stumble/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/godigg/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/digg/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/goreddit/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/reddit/expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/2068/" /></a> <img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=garrickdconner.com&amp;blog=2294139&amp;post=2068&amp;subd=expressionsandinsights&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Under the microscope</title>
		<link>http://garrickdconner.com/2009/05/31/under-the-microscope/</link>
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		<pubDate>Mon, 01 Jun 2009 03:07:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Garrick D. Conner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[abortion]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[I am grieved tonight over what is going on in our country. Our nation is fractured, perhaps as never before. Religious, political, and philosophical differences are stark. Although I agree that economic and psychological stressors are taking a significant toll on many people, I contend that the fundamental problem in our country is a spiritual [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=garrickdconner.com&amp;blog=2294139&amp;post=599&amp;subd=expressionsandinsights&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.garrickdconner.com"><img class="alignright size-medium wp-image-603" style="border:0;" title="when-christians-get-it-wrong" src="http://expressionsandinsights.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/when-christians-get-it-wrong.jpg?w=300&#038;h=204" alt="when-christians-get-it-wrong" width="300" height="204" /></a>I am grieved tonight over what is going on in our country. Our nation is fractured, perhaps as never before. Religious, political, and philosophical differences are stark. Although I agree that economic and psychological stressors are taking a significant toll on many people, I contend that the fundamental problem in our country is a spiritual one.</p>
<p>This morning, I removed myself from two Facebook causes which I truly believe in &#8212; all due to the hate and obscenities being expressed in the public forums. The sad thing is that many of those responsible for such boorish behavior claim to be Christians.</p>
<p><span id="more-599"></span></p>
<p>This afternoon, news broke of the murder of Dr. George Tiller in Kansas. As one of the few American medical doctors still performing late-term abortions, Dr. Tiller was no stranger to hate. His clinic was bombed in 1985, and he was shot outside his clinic in 1993. This morning, while passing out worship bulletins at his church, he was shot to death. Make no mistake: I am very pro-life. The kinds of abortions performed by Tiller are a most violent death. And I believe that like all of us, Tiller will have to give an account for his actions. Do I have serious questions about Tiller&#8217;s own spiritual condition and the tolerance of his church? Absolutely. But his death does not avenge the thousands of deaths caused through the years at his hands.</p>
<p>My major issue tonight is that I fully expect the man who was arrested for Tiller&#8217;s murder to be portrayed by our nation&#8217;s mainstream media as a conservative Christian. And that would likely be, at best, a mischaracterization.</p>
<p>I consider myself to be very well-informed in matters related to religion and politics &#8212; particularly as they impact marriage and family life. And I am no stranger to my elected officials.</p>
<p>However, Scripture clearly teaches that people will know we are Christians by our <em>love</em>.</p>
<blockquote><p>A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.&#8221; (John 13:34-35, ESV)</p></blockquote>
<p>As I have days like today, watching supposed Christians live their lives in ways that are anything but Christlike, I have to shake my head and wonder how we&#8217;re doing with that benchmark.</p>
<p>Even when I disagree with people, I do my best to be honest but respectful, passionate but civil, and loving not hateful. For every hateful word and vitriolic action of a person who claims to be a Christian, the pressure mounts for all Christians to even more strongly demonstrate the love of Christ.</p>
<p>And so tonight I grieve for the Tiller family. Any loss is difficult; sudden and violent losses are even moreso. I grieve for the pro-life community, because today&#8217;s incident has earned them collectively yet another black mark. I grieve always for women who believe abortion to be the best available option. Having counseled many women and families who have suffered incredible emotional and psychological distress due to that terrible choice, I understand more than most the depth of pain and invisible scars that never heal.</p>
<p>But perhaps more than anything else, tonight I grieve for those &#8216;Christians&#8217; who just don&#8217;t get it. . . those who don&#8217;t understand that two wrongs will never make a right, that we must not repay evil with evil, and that our lives as believers will always be under a microscope.</p>
<p>I do not advocate Christians being pacifists. I believe we are to stand for what is right &#8212; but to do so through the proper channels that God has made available to us through our system of government. And when we stand for those values, we can expect to find dissent and conflict with the prevailing culture.</p>
<p>Jesus told us that the world will hate us, because it hated Him first. (John 15:18-16:4) That should not be surprising at all. But God is love, and in Him is no darkness. (1 John 1:5) Yes, our nation&#8217;s biggest problem is a spiritual one. And it can only be resolved when those who identify as Christians begin passionately pursuing lives characterized by personal holiness, godly obedience, and lasting love.</p>
<p>Every time we choose to hate people rather than love people, we do serious harm to the cause of Christ &#8212; who God sent into this world to demonstrate His own amazing love for them! May we take special care to hate sin but love sinners &#8212; and to start by hating our own sin first. Only then will we experience the kind of repentance that is a hallmark of a growing disciple.</p>
<blockquote><p>And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.&#8221; (1 Cor. 13:13)</p></blockquote>
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		<title>Helping the unemployed</title>
		<link>http://garrickdconner.com/2009/05/08/helping-the-unemployed/</link>
		<comments>http://garrickdconner.com/2009/05/08/helping-the-unemployed/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 08 May 2009 23:10:07 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Garrick D. Conner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[challenges]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grief]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[joblessness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[purpose]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stress]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[uncertainty]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[unemployment]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/?p=422</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[With more and more people finding themselves unemployed, I felt it would be appropriate to address some of the issues associated with it. While fewer people appear to have been laid off last month than in the previous one, the unemployment rate of 8.9% is the highest in 25 years &#8212; since September 1983.  There [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=garrickdconner.com&amp;blog=2294139&amp;post=422&amp;subd=expressionsandinsights&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.garrickdconner.com"><img class="alignright size-medium wp-image-424" style="border:0;" title="unemployment" src="http://expressionsandinsights.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/unemployment.jpg?w=300&#038;h=225" alt="unemployment" width="300" height="225" /></a>With more and more people finding themselves unemployed, I felt it would be appropriate to address some of the issues associated with it. While fewer people appear to have been laid off last month than in the previous one, the unemployment rate of 8.9% is the highest in 25 years &#8212; since September 1983. </p>
<p>There are many issues associate with unemployment, including:</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Worry / Stress / Anxiety</strong> </li>
</ul>
<p>Medical professionals report that they are seeing more and more people for anxiety-related problems and psychosomatic issues, such as sleep and appetite disturbance, headaches, upset stomach, and panic attacks. And they are dispensing antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications to help the unemployed cope with their plight.</p>
<ul>
<li> <strong>Declining physical health</strong></li>
</ul>
<p>In addition to the psychological issues related to unemployment, there are increasing risks to physical health as well. As we all know, healthy food is more expensive than junk food &#8212; and in economic times when every penny counts, the unemployed are turning to fast food and processed foods to help make ends meet. Unfortunately, many are also paying less attention to their physical conditioning, cutting out regular exercise. At a time when they really <em>should</em> be taking care of themselves &#8212; for good first impressions during interviews &#8212; many of the unemployed are finding it much easier to just sit on the couch and feel sorry for themselves. This is a dangerous trap indeed.</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Lack of fulfillment</strong></li>
</ul>
<p>We all know that most people get a real sense of personal satisfaction from their jobs. Even if they don&#8217;t necessarily enjoy the work, having a regular job gives people purpose and a reason to get up and face each day. There is a very real sense of grief associated with loss of a job. It is easy for the unemployed to fall into depression.</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Family Strife</strong></li>
</ul>
<p>When the going gets tough, family relationships frequently suffer. Strapped by financial difficulty and worry, it can become especially easy to lash out at spouses and children. In cases where extended family members are being called on for financial support, inability to repay debt in a timely fashion can add to the relational stress. For some, moving in with extended family is the only option to avoid homelessness.</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>Floundering faith</strong></li>
</ul>
<p>I have several Christian friends who have been looking for work for more than a year now. While they remain optimistic that something will open up soon, these friends also admit the toll that unemployment has taken on their personal faith &#8212; not so much their belief in God, but rather their lack of understanding of how He is working out His purposes in their lives. One friend I spoke with today told me that she didn&#8217;t know where next month&#8217;s mortgage payment will come from, but she added, &#8220;God always provides.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>Tips for relating to unemployed persons</strong></p>
<p>During these difficult times, I urge you to be an encourager to those who are seeking employment. Here are just a few tips:</p>
<ul>
<li>If you are gainfully employed, be grateful. Try not to complain about your work in the presence of those who have no job. <br />
 </li>
<li>Try not to complain about high prices to your neighbor who has no income. <br />
 </li>
<li>Be willing to offer assistance. Even providing a hot meal once per week can meet a great practical need for those struggling to find work.<br />
 </li>
<li>Offer to watch the kids &#8212; at no charge. Most couples do not get to have date nights very often. In this economy, the cost of a meal and movie PLUS babysitting makes quality couple time even more difficult. <br />
 </li>
<li>Invite your unemployed friend or neighbor to go to church with you. When people fall on hard times, they are often most receptive to messages of hope. And if their interaction with people has been limited, they may just enjoy the opportunity to have some human interaction.<br />
 </li>
<li>Pray for your unemployed friends, neighbors, and family members. And let them know you are praying for them.</li>
</ul>
<p>Your understanding and encouragement can go a long way to make a positive difference for those struggling through unemployment.</p>
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		<title>A faith that endures</title>
		<link>http://garrickdconner.com/2009/03/09/a-faith-that-endures/</link>
		<comments>http://garrickdconner.com/2009/03/09/a-faith-that-endures/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Mar 2009 01:43:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Garrick D. Conner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[challenges]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christianity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[encouragement]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[faith]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grief]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[uncertainty]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[violence]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/?p=331</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Bad things happen to good people. It&#8217;s a truth we all know. But at some level I think most of us fail to understand all that truth entails. And understandably so. I again found myself horrified and saddened to learn of the shooting at First Baptist Church in Maryville, Illinois yesterday. In front of some [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=garrickdconner.com&amp;blog=2294139&amp;post=331&amp;subd=expressionsandinsights&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.garrickdconner.com"><img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-338" style="border:0;" title="fbc-maryville2" src="http://expressionsandinsights.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fbc-maryville2.jpg?w=300&#038;h=192" alt="fbc-maryville2" width="300" height="192" /></a>Bad things happen to good people. It&#8217;s a truth we all know. But at some level I think most of us fail to understand all that truth entails. And understandably so.</p>
<p>I again found myself horrified and saddened to learn of the shooting at First Baptist Church in Maryville, Illinois yesterday. In front of some 150 people in attendance at the church&#8217;s 8:15 a.m. service, a lone gunman fatally shot the church&#8217;s pastor of 22 years.</p>
<p>My wife and I have friends in that congregation. They are numb, shocked, grief-stricken, and devastated. Yet their faith remains strong. As Christians we know that God&#8217;s specialty is turning bad situations into opportunities to bring glory to Himself. Jesus tells us in Scripture, &#8220;In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world.&#8221; (John 16:33b, ESV)</p>
<p>Already in the hours since this seemingly senseless attack, church members, reporters, and everyday people have sought to do just that: make some sense out of what happened. From all accounts, the gunman suffered from some form of mental illness &#8212; and if he survives his own self-inflicted wounds, the new quandry will be the age-old issue of justice and what that looks like under these circumstances.</p>
<p>As I watched <em>Good Morning America</em> today and listened to the church&#8217;s Children&#8217;s Minister, I was heartened by the faith of the people &#8212; who in a time of unthinkable tragedy and trial &#8212; will turn to God and to each other for comfort, for guidance, for healing, and for re-focusing on those things that are most important in life.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.garrickdconner.com"><img class="alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-341" style="border:0;" title="839_medium-winters" src="http://expressionsandinsights.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/839_medium-winters.jpg?w=128&#038;h=83" alt="839_medium-winters" width="128" height="83" /></a>I believe with all my heart that Pastor Fred Winters is worshipping now as never before, in the very presence of the Lord. Join me in praying for his family, his church, and his community as they pick up the pieces of life &#8212; moment by moment.</p>
<p>Pray that in the face of this tragedy believers would shine even more brightly &#8212; and glorify the Father in heaven.</p>
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		<title>Telling the story</title>
		<link>http://garrickdconner.com/2008/09/11/telling-the-story/</link>
		<comments>http://garrickdconner.com/2008/09/11/telling-the-story/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 12 Sep 2008 04:40:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Garrick D. Conner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[9/11]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[America]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[faith]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[family]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grief]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[legacy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[memorial]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[patriotism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[September 11]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/?p=273</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Seven years have passed since the greatest act of terror on our own soil, yet the emotions brought by the memories still feel so fresh. For most people, the images of 9/11 are forever etched in our minds. . . along, hopefully, with some truths. My son was less than eight months old on that [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=garrickdconner.com&amp;blog=2294139&amp;post=273&amp;subd=expressionsandinsights&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align:left;"><a href="http://www.garrickdconner.com"><img class="size-full wp-image-279 alignleft" style="border:0;" title="we-remember" src="http://expressionsandinsights.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/we-remember.jpg?w=630" alt=""   /></a>Seven years have passed since the greatest act of terror on our own soil, yet the emotions brought by the memories still feel so fresh. For most people, the images of 9/11 are forever etched in our minds. . . along, hopefully, with some truths.</p>
<p>My son was less than eight months old on that tragic day. His age serves as a steady benchmark for the anniversary year. Today I had the privilege of participating in a prayer group at my church. It seems that everyone&#8217;s hearts were very sensitive to the memory of that fateful day. We prayed for the families of the victims as well as for our nation&#8217;s leaders, a task I feel more compelled to do every day.</p>
<p>As I was getting ready to tuck my son into bed tonight, he asked me about 9/11. His school wore red, white, and blue today and marked the occasion with a fighter jets fly-over. For the third or fourth time today, I found my eyes welling with tears as I recounted the story of where I was when the news came. It&#8217;s so hard to believe that someone could have so many questions. After all, it <em>just</em> happened. . . or so it seems. Of course, he was just a baby, so it is my memories and stories that help color the significance of that day for his generation. It is a story we are charged with remembering well &#8212; and never forgetting the way it changed life.</p>
<p>However, that life-changing day was perhaps not life-changing so much as mind-altering. I think that, like it or not, so many times we take our freedoms for granted. We think to ourselves, &#8220;It couldn&#8217;t happen to me.&#8221; We live in a fairy-tale world where villains always receive justice and where good always wins.</p>
<p>I think that for me, those thoughts were deeply challenged on 9/11. Don&#8217;t get me wrong. I&#8217;m sure I still fail to fully grasp how awesome it is to be an American, even though I&#8217;m quite patriotic. And I still fall into the trap of believing it &#8212; whatever <em>it </em>is &#8212; couldn&#8217;t happen to me. And I really do believe that good ultimately prevails. But on 9/11, I saw just how fragile those beliefs can seem in light of such a mind-blowing calamity.</p>
<p>I am a proud American. I am a proud father. And I am proud that in the seven years since the terror attacks, I am still sensitive enough to cry for the losses. Such a day must never just become a part of the history books. Its lessons must help shape our thoughts and guide our actions for generations to come.</p>
<p>When I tell the story of 9/11, I&#8217;m committed to tell it like it was. That is perhaps one of the greatest contributions of gratitude I can make for those whose lives were lost.</p>
<p>Love always. . . laugh often. . . live well.</p>
<p>And never ever ever forget.</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> </p>
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		<title>A cry for love</title>
		<link>http://garrickdconner.com/2008/05/06/a-cry-for-love/</link>
		<comments>http://garrickdconner.com/2008/05/06/a-cry-for-love/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 06 May 2008 15:12:37 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Garrick D. Conner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[death]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grief]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hopelessness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[suicide]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[When the D.C. Madam&#8217;s suicide notes were released this week, I couldn&#8217;t help but notice the pain. . . the fear. . . the hopelessness. Regardless of the situation, suicide is never an acceptable solution. Suicide never solves problems but only creates a new level of difficulty for those left behind. Having served in ministry [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=garrickdconner.com&amp;blog=2294139&amp;post=184&amp;subd=expressionsandinsights&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align:left;"><a href="http://www.connercounseling.com"></a><a href="http://www.connercounseling.com"></a><a href="http://www.connercounseling.com"></a><a href="http://www.connercounseling.com"></a><a href="http://www.connercounseling.com"></a><a href="http://www.connercounseling.com"></a><a href="http://www.connercounseling.com/resources"></a><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-195 alignleft" style="float:left;" border="0" src="http://expressionsandinsights.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/suicide-note505.jpg?w=630" alt=""   /><a href="http://www.connercounseling.com"></a>When the D.C. Madam&#8217;s suicide notes were released this week, I couldn&#8217;t help but notice the pain. . . the fear. . . the hopelessness. Regardless of the situation, suicide is never an acceptable solution. Suicide never solves problems but only creates a new level of difficulty for those left behind.</p>
<p>Having served in ministry and counseling settings for many years, I have had my fair share of dealings with suicide. My own experience is consistent with the premise that the victims come from all walks of life: a nurse, a banker&#8217;s husband, a public school superintendent, a medical doctor, an teenaged boy, a farmer, and a fifth grader &#8212; to name a few of them.</p>
<p>In dealing with the families of suicide victims, I am almost always met with wide-ranging responses, from &#8220;I can&#8217;t believe he would do this&#8221; to &#8220;There were signs that something wasn&#8217;t right.&#8221; Family members typically run the full gamut of emotions from shock and horror to outrage to self-blame &#8212; none of which is able to un-do the damage done by an independent self-destructive act.</p>
<p>There are many things we still don&#8217;t understand about suicide and why it happens. But there are some things we do know. For example, some groups are at higher risk than others. According to the Center for Disease Control, men are four times more likely than women to die from suicide. However, three times more women than men report attempting suicide. In addition, suicide rates are high among young people and those over age 65.</p>
<p>There are a variety of factors that can put a person at risk for attempting or committing suicide. However, having the risk factors does not always mean that suicide will take place. Risk factors include:</p>
<ul>
<li>Previous suicide attempt(s)</li>
<li>History of depression or other mental illness</li>
<li>Alcohol or drug abuse</li>
<li>Family history of suicide or violence</li>
<li>Physical illness</li>
<li>Feeling alone</li>
</ul>
<p>Suicide is a significant public health problem. More than 31,000 people kill themselves each year. More than 425,000 people with self-inflicted injuries are treated in emergency rooms each year. (CDC, 2006) Don&#8217;t become a statistic. If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, even if you do not have an active plan to kill yourself, talk with someone about these thoughts. Help is available in a wide variety of places.</p>
<p>One of the things I hear over and over from those who are contemplating suicide is that they feel invisible to others, as if they really don&#8217;t count for anything. Many argue that they will not be missed by their families anyway. Perhaps the &#8220;D.C. Madam&#8221; felt this way too. Although she was widely <em>recognized</em> due to the handle assigned her by the news media, she was <em>known</em> by only a few.  And those people will remember her not as the &#8220;D.C. Madam&#8221; but rather as Deborah Jeane Palfrey. A daughter. A sister. A friend. A human being.</p>
<p>In many cases, suicide attempts are not so much a cry for help as a cry for love.</p>
<p>I contend that there is no problem suicide can solve. Someone is always available to talk at the National Suicide Hotline, 1.800.273.8255. Your primary care doctor, police department, and local emergency room are also good sources for help.</p>
<p style="text-align:center;"> </p>
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		<title>Looking for a sign</title>
		<link>http://garrickdconner.com/2008/04/24/looking-for-a-sign/</link>
		<comments>http://garrickdconner.com/2008/04/24/looking-for-a-sign/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 24 Apr 2008 07:20:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Garrick D. Conner</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grief]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[help]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[problems]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[signs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[therapy]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://expressionsandinsights.wordpress.com/?p=154</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Last night my family and I had the pleasure of dining at an upscale restaurant, a special treat by my mother-in-law to celebrate a recent personal achievement. The food was delicious, and the service was superb. Our server was knowledgeable about the menu and featured items, and she took great care to keep our water glasses [...]<img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=garrickdconner.com&amp;blog=2294139&amp;post=154&amp;subd=expressionsandinsights&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.connercounseling.com" target="_blank"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-155 alignleft" style="float:left;" border="0" src="http://expressionsandinsights.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/restrooms.jpg?w=630" alt=""   /></a>Last night my family and I had the pleasure of dining at an upscale restaurant, a special treat by my mother-in-law to celebrate a recent personal achievement. The food was delicious, and the service was superb. Our server was knowledgeable about the menu and featured items, and she took great care to keep our water glasses filled. That is definitely one of my benchmarks for quality service.</p>
<p>Toward the end of the meal, my son expressed a certain urgency to find a restroom. Of course, our server was nowhere in sight at that time, so I went on a little expedition to scout out the restrooms. Being the man that I am, I thought I could do fine without stopping for directions. I looked in a couple different seemingly logical places but to no avail. Finally, in an act of sheer desperation, I went to the hostess desk and asked.</p>
<p>The hostess guided us into a dimly-lit bar area that was bustling with activity. As I looked around the room, I could see no sign of a restroom. Then she took us around another corner into a hallway. . . still no sign. I had almost decided that she too was lost. Finally, the hostess directed us to take a left turn, where we finally found the restrooms, clearly marked by the familiar silhouettes of a man and a woman. By that point, I was really glad that my son&#8217;s urgency wasn&#8217;t TOO urgent, if you know what I mean.</p>
<p>How many times in life do we do this? We know the problem. We know what we need. We just don&#8217;t know how to get there.</p>
<p>I find that is frequently the case for those who come to a counseling session for the first time. Usually they have some indication of what the problem is. They frequently have some idea what they need. They simply struggle to know how to get from where they are to where they want to be.</p>
<p>Maybe you find yourself feeling that way from time to time. Like me in the restaurant, you look around in all the logical places only to find yourself increasingly frustrated by a growing sense of urgency and a still-unmet need. The good news is that you don&#8217;t have to walk circles in the dark. Have the courage to lay aside your pride and ask someone for help. As hard as that may be, particularly for men, it is one of the quickest ways to take care of yourself so that you can get to the things that bring joy and fulfillment in life.</p>
<p>The journey may be longer than you had hoped. The path may be darker than you&#8217;d like. But getting to where you want to be is an incredible accomplishment.</p>
<p>If you&#8217;re struggling today to find your way &#8212; through loss, through change, or through personal or relational chaos &#8212; I encourage you to seek out the help of a capable pastor or counselor.</p>
<p>Ignoring the problem will not make it go away; it will only make your journey longer, your mind more confused, and your spirit more anxious.</p>
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