One of my dad’s favorite Christmas songs is Elvis Presley’s “Blue Christmas.” For many this year, the holidays are proving especially challenging — even blue, as the case may be. I know a number of people who have lost loved ones and are spending their first Christmas without a spouse, a child, a mother, a father, a sibling, a grandparent, or a best friend. For those who are grieving a loss, Christmastime can actually exacerbate their feelings of sadness and loneliness. Many of these people will make a brave effort to carry on. They may have managed to haul out the decorations, put up the tree, and listen to some festive music, but it’s just not the same.

The very memories that comfort can also evoke a deeper pain. Little things the person never even thought about before are now right at the forefront of the mind. They run across an ornament that held special meaning for their loved one, and their eyes begin to water. They hear a silly Christmas song that used to drive their loved one crazy — or a sappy movie often shared together — yet somehow this year that memory just underscores the sense of loss. They cook — or are served — a favorite holiday food their loved one just couldn’t do without, and it just doesn’t taste the same. During times like this we often discover a profound truth: The things we thought we loved most were really only loved because of the ones we shared them with.

There are many firsts that are hard to handle:

• Finding that stocking and knowing it probably doesn’t need to be hung this year.
• Addressing Christmas cards, signed without the deceased family member’s name. (This exercise is ten times worse when the annual card or letter is the means by which news of the death must be shared with long-distance friends and acquaintances.)
• Realizing that this year is the first year — maybe ever — that cards and/or gifts will not be exchanged with that special person.

Of course, death is not the only thing that can sour the holiday season. There are many parents dealing with devastating illnesses — for themselves or one of their children. Every effort may be made to make this Christmas the best one ever. After all, the unspoken fear is that this might be the last one they’ll have together. And even with all the effort put forward, the reality is that neither party may have enough energy to actually enjoy it.

I’ve been reminded this year that life is so incredibly precious. I attended one funeral service last week in Mississippi — and had another this week that I really should have attended. Over the next couple days I’ll attend two more. I have several friends and family members fighting extremely uphill battles with cancer — and other friends who are sitting with their terminally ill children, already in hospice care. For them, twinkling Christmas lights just don’t matter much right now.

With just a week or so left before Christmas Day, let me offer a few thoughts. Perhaps you are one of those people I’ve described above. If so, don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone grieves a little differently. Resist the urge to isolate yourself from the hustle and bustle around you. The sounds that seem so obnoxiously annoying this year will, in time, gain a new sense of significance that you’ll again appreciate. Joy can return to your hurting heart — and it will. Also, know that as silly as it might sound, a ‘scheduled cry time’ may take the edge off and allow you to be more engaged with those around you. You must find what works for you — and unfortunately that process is mainly trial-and-error.

If you’re someone who just stumbled upon this page and is thinking, “How depressing!”, then I congratulate you on your banner year — but remind you that we usually don’t know when we’ll transfer from joy-filled to grief-stricken. Tragedy is unpredictable, and loss is often unforeseen. Be sensitive to those in your life who are going through the holidays without someone they love. Jot them a note of encouragement, just to let them know you’re thinking about them and you care. Don’t worry, you won’t ‘remind’ them of their loss; they’re quite aware of it. It will mean more to them than you can possibly know to hear that someone remembers the hole in their heart.

In practicing grace, kindness, and generosity to those who are grieving, sad, burdened or downtrodden, you will embrace the very essence of what this season is all about. You can’t keep anyone from having a ‘blue Christmas,’ but you can help it be just a shade lighter. (See what one church in Tennessee is doing to minister to those who are hurting: Click Here)

IT’S YOUR TURN!

• Are you experiencing a blue Christmas this year? If so, what suggestions can you offer for how people can help you?
• Have you recently ministered to someone who is struggling this holiday season? How was your attempt at kindness received?

While there are still several weeks left in this calendar year, one thing is certain: This has been a year of dramatic changes. From political uprisings and civil unrest to record-setting weather patterns, 2011 will leave an indelible mark on this world. With all the negative news coming at us ’round the clock, it’s sometimes hard to focus on the good things.

America has long been the ‘land of plenty’ — or, you might say, the ‘land of excess.’ You have to wonder what the early settlers to Plymouth Rock would have to say about the way we live. After all, those folks — who, according to H. U. Westermayer, constructed seven times as many graves as huts — still saw fit to set aside a time to give thanks to God. These Puritans were arguably the most impoverished Americans ever, yet they acknowledged God as the source of their blessings. They understood the art of thanksgiving.

In this time of persistent protests and rowdy upheaval, there’s a lot of talk about ‘the  99-percent.’ I contend that pretty much all of us constitute the one-percent . . . at least figuratively speaking. Consider this:

Americans are some of the wealthiest people in the world, with a very high GDP per capita. Americans are top in the world for most material possessions. The number of televisions, vehicles, and other such products per person are considerably higher than in any other country. For instance, the United States has some 754 televisions for every thousand people. No other country is even above 700, with Japan being closest at 680/1000. [Source: economicexpert.com]

While Americans don’t necessarily blow every country out of the water, particularly when you consider the long hours so many of us work, we as a people are undeniably blessed. Even with higher-than-usual levels of unemployment, continued home foreclosures, and rising costs of living, for all intents and purposes Americans are indeed blessed. One thing is generally true about tougher times: We are forced to evaluate priorities, strengthen relationships, and develop character — and hopefully a much deeper appreciation for God.

This Thanksgiving, consider yourself blessed if any or all of the following statements are true for you:

• You have food, clothing, and shelter.
  Nearly two billion people in the world live in poverty.

• You can read and write.
  Nearly 15-percent of people age 15 and up cannot. (worldwide)

• You are gainfully employed — part-time or full-time.
  Millions even in America do not have jobs. (Consider yourself especially blessed if you enjoy your work.)

• You have reasonably good health and access to healthcare services.
  Many around the world do not.

• You have family who cares about  you.
  I recently read about a man who lost every member of his family in an earthquake in Turkey.

• You have at least one close friend.
  Loneliness is becoming more and more common even in our seemingly connected culture.

• You enjoy physical safety and security.
  Many people live in constant fear of crime or terror attacks.

There are so many other ways by which we can gauge our blessings and quality of life. For me personally, the one thing for which I am most grateful is my relationship with Jesus Christ, who took my sin and shame and died for me that I might enjoy abundant life on earth and eternal life in heaven with Him. Everything else really is gravy. If you don’t know Him, I’d love nothing more than to share that gift with you. Feel free to contact me.

I pray that your season of thanksgiving would not be all about a day on the calendar. I pray that you will acknowledge your blessings all year long — as well as the One from whom all blessings flow. Discover the art of thanksgiving. It can be truly life-changing.

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving. Here’s a quick video that says a lot in just 80 seconds:

IT’S YOUR TURN!
What are you thankful for this year?

New Year’s Resolution Guide
                                       
IT’S YOUR TURN!
Do you make New Year’s resolutions? If so, how do you keep on track toward your goals? If not, why not?

Upon waking up at 7:45 a.m. yesterday, instead of my usual ‘Good morning’ greeting to my wife, I simply said, “I’m gonna throw up.” And I did. Unfortunately, that set the stage for a less-than-ideal holiday. The kids enjoyed opening their presents and seeing the things that Santa brought. Michelle cooked up a coffee cake, a fresh batch of party mix, and a birthday cake for Jesus — which, as it turns out, I was really not able to eat.

I’d have given anything to have felt better on Christmas Day because I really wanted to enjoy my family to the fullest extent possible. Since we had no family or friends visiting, in spite of all the decorations and preparations, Christmas became just another opportunity for Michelle to singlehandedly parent the children — while I lay in bed, just trying to stay warm.

Of course, perspective is important and, I think, key to understanding life. The reality is that despite my sickness, we are still among the most blessed people in the world. Consider this:

• While we were enjoying our traditional minestrone soup on Christmas Eve, millions of people around the world went to bed hungry. Again.
• While we were opening an exorbitant number of gifts, all beautifully wrapped, millions of people around the world had nothing at all to open.
• While we were contemplating whether to keep or exchange that less-than-fashionable piece of clothing, millions of people around the world struggled to stay warm.
• While we were reading the Christmas story from the Bible, millions of people around the world had never held a Bible.
• While we were in our comfortable, climate-controlled and elaborately decorated homes, millions of people around the world were among the growing homeless population.

The truth is that most Americans do not just live in excess; we are absolutely spoiled rotten. The other truth is that, if I’m totally honest, I usually don’t see the vast needs of others in the world — because I choose to not see it.

It’s not comfortable.

It’s not real.

It’s exaggerated.

As I think forward to the year 2011, I am determined to look at the vastness of needs around me. I’m determined to lead my own family to leave their comfort zone and be part of the solution to the problems in this world. I’m determined to be less focused on my needs, my wants, and my comfort, and to focus more on the many practical needs of others.

More than festive, lighted decorations . . . more than a five-star Christmas dinner . . . more than pausing just for a few minutes to think about Jesus’ birth, it is following Christ’s example of humility and selflessness that most glorifies Him — not only at Christmastime but throughout our lifetime.

So, rather than harping on the fact that I was sick on Christmas Day, I choose to thank God that I had a warm place to stay, food to eat, a Bible to read, and a family to love.

I am blessed among men in more ways than I could ever begin to count. And I choose to be grateful for His blessings on me and my family.

It’s Your Turn!
On what things in life do you perhaps need a new perspective?

Unfortunately, these are tough times for many people — and for the world as a whole. In fact, many in the world have been hurting and in need for generations. Only in recent years has our country joined the list of those nations experiencing increased poverty, increased crime, and increased fear. The number of Americans turning to antidepressants bears witness to the physical and mental toll of stress. The number of suicides in our country is rising, and the suicide rate among our military men and women now exceeds the national average.

The statistics are sobering. The prognosis is grim. However, we know that trouble is no stranger to this world. In writing to the church at Thessalonica, the apostle Paul instructed:

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thess. 5:16-18)

Let’s be honest for a minute or two. Most of us struggle with this notion of being joyful always. Western society is so focused on happiness, which is invariably dependent upon our circumstances at the moment. We understand with our heads this thing called joy, but we fail at many points to somehow separate our situation from our status as Christians, often falling prey to the prevalent message of the prosperity gospel that tells us God blesses us because we do good. I’ve been unable to locate the basis for that message anywhere in the pages of Scripture; perhaps that’s because it doesn’t come from there at all.

As Christians, none of us are exempt from the problems of this life. Just think about the many troubles that plague us:

• Unemployment
• Health issues
• Crime
• Family conflict
• Financial stress
• Moral ruin
• Wars

The list goes on and on and on. Whether you realize it or not, this collection of issues poses a very real threat to life as we know it. While the news media tries its best to put a positive spin on the world situation (particularly the US economy), the facts just continue to mount up, pointing to the grim reality that the ‘new normal’ will require us to live with less. And less, I believe, is not in and of itself a bad thing; that is, so long as our faith is not in the stuff of this life.

I contend that the majority of people in our nation, Christians included, have become so enamored — if not consumed – with the trappings of this world that we just can’t imagine having to surrender some of the things we enjoy most: our smart phones, our designer coffees, our big houses, our fancy cars, etc. The truth is that for many of us, we probably won’t have to surrender them; they’ll just become irrelevant to us as our need for the essentials in life becomes greater. Ultimately, we’re all going to have less trouble distinguishing between our wants and our needs.

As I ponder our world situation, with its perpetual drumbeat focused on globalism, I’m reminded that God is bringing everything under His purpose and plan. He does not forget His people. He is not surprised by the corruption of man. He is not perplexed and in a quandry as to how to make things better. Quite the contrary! He provided a plan for us many years ago, a plan that would result in the sacrifice of His only begotten son, Jesus Christ. And God is not the least bit concerned with making things better for us — at least not as we so often think of ‘better,’ in terms of wealth and material possessions.

The imminent collapse of the US economy will present a myriad of challenges for us all, the likes of which have not been experienced since the Great Depression. I believe the impact will be much greater though, because the gap between our debt-driven standard of living and our eventual fall will be absolutely unparalleled. The difficult days ahead may indeed find those who profess Christ persecuted as well. These days will serve as a fire through which the hearts of true believers are refined and their loyalties laid bare for all to see. We can expect to more closely relate to those who have sacrificed the stuff of this world in order to share the message of salvation with people whose standard of living actually allowed for an openness to the Gospel. In the end, it will be the missionaries who may experience less distress from the fall-out of the global economy because they never became hooked on the insatiable cravings for more that so characterize the American way of life.

Of course, this post is really supposed to be about Thanksgiving. When Thursday comes, we’ll have all witnessed the President pardoning the turkey. We’ll have scouted out the best places to get deals on the latest greatest foreign-made gadgets. And we’ll have stuffed our bellies with a feast fit for a king. Let’s enjoy it — and give thanks to the One from whom all blessings flow. Just do so mindful of the fact that you might not realize just how grateful you really are until that bounty of blessings begins to disappear.

Perhaps we should practice now what we should have practiced all along — a steady dose of thanksgiving for all the things that really do matter most: our family, our friends, our health, our freedom, and most of all, our salvation through Jesus Christ. These are the intangibles of life, the blessings that demand our gratitude.

As you gather together with friends and family this Thanksgiving, I encourage you to take the time to offer heartfelt thanks to God for the blessings you enjoy. Prayerfully remember those who are hungry, homeless, and hurting in a multitude of ways. Consider the ones who are serving their country far from those they love, and pray for the missionaries who are working tirelessly to share the message of salvation to a world very much in need.

I am more grateful this year than I’ve ever been. And that is as it should be every year, no matter what.

IT’S YOUR TURN!
What are you most thankful for this year? How do you distinguish between happiness and joy?

On this Independence Day, I offer a few of my favorite quotations:

• Freedom is a possession of inestimable value. – Cicero
     
• If our democracy is to flourish, it must have criticism; if our government is to function it must have dissent. – Henry Commager
       
• True individual freedom cannot exist without economic security and independence. People who are hungry and out of a job are the stuff of which dictatorships are made. – Franklin D. Roosevelt
      
• Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time. – Sir Winston Churchill

• And so, my fellow americans: ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man. – John F. Kennedy

• Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. - Benjamin Franklin

• I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations. – James Madison
       
• On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. – Will Rogers
       
• In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved. – Franklin D. Roosevelt
         
• The price of freedom is eternal vigilance. – Thomas Jefferson
        
• Americans are a free people, who know that freedom is the right of every person and the future of every nation. The liberty we prize is not America’s gift to the world; it is God’s gift to humanity. – George W. Bush
          
• The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter. - Sir Winston Churchill
        
• There is nothing wrong with America that the faith, love of freedom, intelligence and energy of her citizens cannot cure. – Dwight D. Eisenhower
         
• Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States where men were free. – Ronald Reagan

• A society that puts equality… ahead of freedom will end up with neither.  – Milton Friedman
       
• Democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts and murders itself. There was never a democracy that did not commit suicide. - John Adams
        
• The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment. - Robert Maynard Hutchins
       
• Democracy is, first and foremost, a spiritual force, it is built upon a spiritual basis – and on a belief in God and an observance of moral principle. And in the long run only the church can provide that basis. Our founder knew this truth – and we will neglect it at our peril. – Harry S. Truman
        
• I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death. - Patrick Henry

Me too, Patrick. Me too.

Happy birthday, America . . . and best wishes and fervent prayers for many more.

Cat’s in the Cradle
by Harry and Mary Chapin

A child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talking ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew,
He’d say, “I’m gonna be like you, dad.
You know I’m gonna be like you.”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

My son turned ten just the other day.
He said, “Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let’s play.
Can you teach me to throw?” I said, “Not today,
I got a lot to do.” He said, “That’s ok.”
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed,
Said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I’m gonna be like him.”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
“Son, I’m proud of you. Can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head, and he said with a smile,
“What I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please?”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

I’ve long since retired and my son’s moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind.”
He said, “I’d love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job’s a hassle, and the kid’s got the flu,
But it’s sure nice talking to you, dad.
It’s been sure nice talking to you.”
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He’d grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

Life is precious. Time is fleeting. Every day counts. As a father myself, I pray that I will be the kind of role model that I’ll be glad for my children to follow. If you’re a dad reading this and aren’t exactly proud of the example you’ve been, I encourage you to take some time to reach out to your children and decide to make the most of whatever time and opportunities you have left. You can’t turn back time, and words can’t undo any damage that’s been done. But every day counts.

One never knows what tomorrow holds.

For many of us, the price of freedom has come at great cost to our families. While I have not lost any immediate family members through military service, I have worked with those who have not been so fortunate.

I have worked closely with a number of military families during times of great emotional pain and sorrow — the kind of anguish that comes when young lives are, in our estimation, cut short. I have also had the privilege of knowing people who never really had the chance to know their parents or grandparents due to the casualties of war. That is the reality for one of our church staff members. Her father died while serving in Vietnam when she was just a little girl.

This day hits me hard every year as I think about the stark ambiguities that seem to be magnified on the evening news. A day that has been specifically set aside to remember those fallen men and women is marked less by memorials and more by boating and backyard barbecues.

On this Memorial Day, I urge you to interrupt your celebration of summer long enough to give sincere thanks to God for those brave soldiers who have made it possible for us to live in the land of the free.

However you choose to spend this day, say some special prayers for those families who are daily reminded of the sacrifices of their loved ones. For them every day is a memorial day.

May we never take our freedom for granted. And may we never ever forget that its price is paid in human lives.

However, the reality is that most people experience real life in their relationship with their mother — a mixed bag of happy memories, sincere regrets, angry outbursts, complicated misunderstandings, periods of silence and so on.

Perhaps that’s why card shops like Hallmark, after so many years in business, still seem to struggle to produce just the right card for many well-intentioned shoppers. With Mother’s Day card categories like “Mom, You’re the Best,” “Across the Miles,” “Warm and Respectful,” “Humorous,” and “Simply Stated,” you’d think there could be just the right card somewhere in that long aisle.

However, year after year I have observed many fellow shoppers struggling to find that perfect card, and I’ve listened with interest to their under-the-breath grumbling as they frantically search for that seemingly elusive card.

“Too mushy.”

“She wasn’t religious.”

“No emotion at all in that one.”

“She’s my mother — not my wife.”

The truth is that only you can best articulate your thoughts and feelings about your Mom. And if you’re fortunate enough to still have a living mother with whom you actually communicate positively, then it is your words she wants to hear — not those of some professional card writer.

Mother’s Day is in many ways a day set aside each year to honor mothers, to shame children, to stigmatize the childless, and to provide retailers with a springtime sales bounce.

This year I hope you will mark this day however it best fits your own situation. Don’t let the movies, the commercials, the sappy stories, or even the preacher’s message dictate the way you acknowledge the day — or the way you decide not to acknowledge it.

Relationships are difficult. Life is messy. Not everyone has a reason to celebrate — or even to remember fondly.

I’m one of the lucky ones, I suppose. I plan to spend a few minutes visiting by phone with my mother, who has blessed my life in innumerable ways. I’ll treat my wife and mother of my children (along with the children themselves) to a nice Mother’s Day brunch. And if I know me well, I’ll end up feeling guilty for not being able to spend some actual time with my mom — and guilty for creating work for those moms who had to cook and serve my family. It’s true what they say: life isn’t fair.

I also plan to do a few other things on this day:

• I plan to send warm thoughts to those whose mothers have died in the last year, particularly young children.
• I will pray for those I know who want so badly to be parents but have found that dream impossible, at least to this point.
• I will offer some special prayers for those who opted to abort their ‘fetus’ — and never feel the warmth and pride of seeing that it actually was a baby human with feelings, with life, with a soul.
• I will pray especially that more of those who don’t want to be parents, for whatever reason, will be willing to give life to their child — and a treasured opportunity to those who do want to raise a child.
• I will think of those mothers whose children are risking their lives in military service that we might enjoy freedom.
• I will think of those whose mothers are behind bars.
• I will think of courageous single moms who are working multiple jobs in order to provide for their children — often without any special acknowledgement even on days like this.
• I will think of those people who are dealing with their mother’s serious physical or mental illness or chemical dependency.
• I will think of those moms of children with special needs. The ones I know demonstrate extraordinary strength and resilience in the face of persistent challenges.

If you find yourself fitting fairly snugly into one of those categories, then I pray God’s special blessings on you today. I hope you’ll feel some comfort knowing that there are millions of you in this great big world; not everybody gets to be ‘normal’ or ‘traditional.’

If you are reading this and classify yourself as one of the ‘normal’ folks for whom Mother’s Day presents no emotional ambivalence, no baggage, and no special issues, then count yourself blessed — and spend some time thinking and praying for someone who is struggling today. I have no doubt that you can think of at least one such individual.

However you choose to spend this day, I pray that you’ll be able to see the hand of God at work in your life on this second Sunday in May.

I remember very well marking items in the Sears and JCPenney catalogs as I created a ‘wish list’ in my younger days.  I often find myself sitting in our living room, looking at our tree (at right) and thinking about what I most wish for now. Most of us, I believe, still have ‘wish lists,’ but we rarely write them down in our hurried lives. It’s true that the best things in life can’t be wrapped in pretty paper and finished off with a bow.

Here’s my grown-up Christmas list — in no particular order:

• I wish for more people to know Christ personally.
• I wish for a cure for cancer, a disease that has taken its toll on my family through the years — and that currently threatens the lives of many.
• I wish for a few new deep friendships where I can be free to be me.
• I wish for more quiet time with God, to know Him better.
• I wish for more quality time with my wife. Our waking moments together are so busy.
• I wish for more children in this world to have the blessing of godly parents.
• I wish for protection for our troops, wherever they may serve.
• I wish for peace in a world full of chaos.
• I wish for time to stand still for those few moments when I hold my children in my arms.
• I wish for godly spouses for my children when they grow up.

And yes, I will always wish for a white Christmas — and am hopeful that one day that one really will come true!

There are so many more things that I wish for — and pray for. I encourage you to take a moment to jot down your own grown-up Christmas list.

I pray that you will always remember that Jesus is the reason for this wonderful season of the year.

Merry Christmas to you and your family!