A number of churches and small groups across the country will join this event live where they are, thanks to the miracle of modern technology. Platt has held ‘Secret Church‘ for several years, and it has now become part of the disciple-making DNA of this local church. Held twice each year, Secret Church continues to draw people from all over the country — so much so that overflow seating is necessary on-site. This in-depth time of Bible study, worship, and prayer is intended to help us identify with the many Christ-followers who meet in secret all over the world — not so much out of fear of persecution as devotion to Christ.

As was the case on Good Friday of this year, LifeWay Christian Resources has partnered with Platt’s mission organization, Disciple-Making International, to make this experience available on a whole new level. Platt had originally planned to speak on the subject of ‘Heaven, Hell, and the End of the World.’ And that is a topic of great interest and certainly worthy of discussion. However, Platt decided to shift the focus for this session to ‘Family, Marriage, Sex, and the Gospel.’ He says that this change was made in response to many of the issues showing up in major ways throughout American society today. As a pastor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I must say that I am absolutely thrilled to see someone willing to take on topics such as marriage, divorce, homosexuality, same-sex marriage, singleness, adoption, abortion, and pornography — just to name a few. During six hours of intense study, Secret Church participants will receive biblical teaching and instruction regarding issues that, quite frankly, many pastors — even in evangelical churches — are afraid to tackle for fear of offending others. I am reminded over and over that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is and should be offensive, because we are all sinners standing in need of God’s mercy and grace.

Now I understand that Friday nights in the fall are full of lots of possibilities for activities and entertainment. High school football is still king, especially in the deep South, and many school systems are also enjoying a few days for ‘fall break.’ However, I’m going to challenge you to shift your focus for this one Friday night. We have lots of people sitting in our pews every Sunday who honestly have no real clue about what the Bible has to say about some of these specific issues that are plaguing our culture today, bearing constant evidence of the steady and accelerating decay of Christian values. It was just yesterday that someone said to me, “How do we know homosexuality is wrong? Aren’t people just born that way? The Bible seems to contradict itself.”

Friends, we not only need to know what we believe; we also need to know why we believe it — and how to communicate the truths of Scripture to those in our circles of influence. I’m convinced that it’s only when each individual believer decides for him- or herself to be the salt and light Christ calls us to be, that we will ever see spiritual renewal in our land.

In a recent interview with Trevin Wax, Platt recounted this powerful quote from author Daniel Heimbauch:

“The stakes in the current conflict over sex are more critical, more central, and more essential than in any controversy the church has ever known. This is a momentous statement, but I make it soberly, without exaggeration. Conflict over sex these days is not just challenging tradition, orthodoxy, and respect for authority in areas such as ordination, marriage, and gender roles. And it does not just affect critically important doctrines like the sanctity of human life, the authority and trustworthiness of scripture, the Trinity, and the incarnation of Christ. Rather, war over sex among Christians is now raging over absolutely essential matters of faith without which no one can truly be a Christian in the first place—matters such as sin, salvation, the gospel, and the identify of God himself.”

In his sermon series, Attachment: The Gospel and Our Families, David Platt said,

“There is no question that the picture of a Christ-centered family in our culture is under attack. And there’s no question that the things the Bible teaches us will set us, in many ways, against the culture in which we live. We’ve got to decide from the very beginning whether or not we want to be molded into what our culture says is right, or if we want to be molded into what God says is right. This is not about cultural convenience.”

I couldn’t agree more. All that said, let me share a few comments from respected Christian leaders that help shed light on the fundamental importance of tonight’s topic of study:

ON DIVORCE

“There no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce; it is now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage. Interviews with young adults suggest that they want their initial marriage to last, but are not particularly optimistic about that possibility. There is also evidence that many young people are moving toward embracing the idea of serial marriage, in which a person gets married two or three times, seeking a different partner for each phase of their adult life.” – GEORGE BARNA, The Barna Group [Full Article Here]

ON SAME-SEX MARRIAGE

“Our authority to speak to the needs of our nation today is the Scripture. The Scriptures teach that there are absolutes and that there is such a thing as right and wrong. Truth is never tolerant of a lie. The real battleground around this debate on homosexual marriage begins with the question: Who is your authority? We believe that the timeless truth of Holy Scripture gives us the authoritative blueprints for life. We respect those who wish to deny the truth of Scripture. We would ask for a mutual respect in return.” – DENNIS RAINEY and BOB LEPINE, FamilyLife Ministries [Full Article Here]

ON PORNOGRAPHY

“The reality is that pornography is the most abused ‘drug’ in our country and sexual addiction is the addiction of choice among Christians. Based on surveys conducted by Christianity Today, 47 percent say porn is a ‘major problem’ in their homes and 51 percent of ministers say it’s their biggest temptation. For 37 percent, it’s a current struggle.” – MARNIE FERREE, Recovering Sex Addict, Marriage Therapist, and Speaker [Full Article Here]

As the above statements indicate, barring divine intervention, the moral collapse of our culture is imminent. We can and we must do a better job of studying God’s Word, applying God’s Word to our daily lives, and communicating the truth of God’s Word at every opportunity. I have no doubt that your participation in tonight’s session of Secret Church will help equip you to do just that.

The Secret Church Simulcast is scheduled for tonight from 6:00 p.m. to midnight (CST). Click here to find a host site near you.

Watch the brief promotional video:

In an open letter posted to his website several years ago, Swindoll wrote:

The most recent studies available suggest that one out of every two people — that’s 50% — of the people sitting in our pews, are looking at and/or could be addicted to internet pornography. Stop and imagine the ugly but very real possibility of some of your own elders and deacons leaving your meeting and going home to surf porn. Think about youth leaders viewing it one minute, and leading a small group with your kids thirty minutes later. It’s ruining marriages, destroying relationships, harming youth, and hurting the body of Christ. . . . My friend, it’s time to do something about it. In fact, we need to start today. Making a difference requires action . . . . Our churches are in trouble. This is not the time to simply wait and pray.”

I have fought — and to a large extent still fight daily — the battle against pornography in my own life. It’s not a fun thing to talk about. It’s certainly not something that most people want to think about, especially as it relates to Christians and ministry leaders. However, not acknowledging and not talking about it is precisely why pornography is considered a silent epidemic that impacts far more men and women than you’d like to know. Sexual temptation really can be thought of as every man’s battle — or, for that matter, every person’s battle. Many studies and surveys have been conducted regarding sexual thoughts and behaviors. While the statistics do not always match, they do almost universally sound major alarms about the severity of the problem. Consider for a moment these statistics:

GENERAL STATISTICS

• 12% of internet websites are pornographic. That’s 24,644,172 sites! (United Families International)
• Every second $3,075.64 is spent on pornography — and 28,258 people are viewing porn. (UFI)
• Total porn industry revenue for 2006: $13.3 billion in the US; $97 billion worldwide.
• 40 million Americans are regular visitors to porn sites. (UFI)
• 29% of born-again adults in the US feel that it is morally acceptable to view movies with explicit sexual behavior. (Barna Group)
• 42% of adults believe it is “morally acceptable” to have a sexual relationship with someone of the opposite sex to whom they are not married.
• The least popular day of the year for viewing porn is Thanksgiving. (UFI)
• The most popular day of the week for viewing porn is Sunday. (UFI)

REGARDING CLERGY

• 51% of pastors say cyber-pornography is a possible temptation; 37% say it is a current struggle. (Christianity Today, Leadership Survey, December 2001)
• 20% of all the calls received on the Focus on the Family Pastoral Care Line are for help with issues such as pornography and compulsive sexual behavior.
• 33% of clergy admitted to having visited a sexually explicit website. Of those who had visited a pornographic site, 53% had visited such sites “a few times” in the past year, and 18% visit sexually explicit sites between a couple times a month and more than once a week.
• 57% of pastors say that addiction to pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregation. (Christians and Sex Leadership Journal Survey, March 2005)

REGARDING MEN

• 70% of men from age 18-24 visit a pornographic site in a typical month. (UFI)
• 67% of 18-26-year-old men believe viewing pornography is acceptable.
• 66% of men in their 20′s and 30′s admit to being regular users of pornography.
• 20% of men admit to accessing pornography at work. (UFI)
• Half of unmarried men ages 20-29 said they would have sex without any interest in marriage.

REGARDING WOMEN

• 28% of those admitted to sexual addiction are women.
• 34% of female readers of Today’s Christian Woman‘s online newsletter admitted to intentionally accessing internet pornography — and 1 out of every 6 women, including Christians, struggles with an addiction to pornography.
• 49% of 18-26-year-old women believe viewing pornography is acceptable.
• 13% of women admit to accessing pornography at work. (UFI)

REGARDING FAMILIES

• 47% of Christian families said pornography is a problem in their home. (Focus on the Family, October 2003)
• The internet was a significant factor is 2 out of 3 divorces. (American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 2003)
• 9 out of 10 children between the ages of 8 and 16 have viewed pornography on the internet, in most cases unintentionally. (London School of Economics, January 2002)
• Average age of first internet exposure to pornography: 11 (InternetFilterReview.com and UFI)
• Largest consumer of internet pornography: 12-17-year olds (various sources as of 2007)
• 1 in 7 children who use the internet have been sexually solicited. (InternetFilerReview.com 2005)
• 80% of 15-17-year-olds have had multiple hard-core exposures.

Over the last ten years there have been a number of positive attempts to proactively lift the veil from this dirty little secret. These include efforts by Promise Keepers, XXX Church, Every Man’s Battle, and Freedom Begins Here. I remain convinced, however, that we have much work left to do. It starts with me; it starts with you. I encourage you to take the following steps with regard to this issue:

1. Get your head out of the sand and acknowledge the reality of pornography’s influence in our sex-saturated society.
2. Examine your own life, and honestly assess your risk. Here’s a helpful tool for self-evaluation.
3. Purchase a filtering program for your computer, particularly any computers shared by your children — even occasionally.
4. If you struggle with sexually compulsive thoughts and/or behaviors, admit this truth to a same-sex friend who can help hold you accountable.  In fact, I urge you to have a set of friends to help keep you honest with yourself and with them. Here’s a great list of men’s accountability questions that can be customized as you see fit. Here are other accountability questions specific to men, women, couples, and teens. I strongly advise you to use an internet monitoring service that reports your internet activity to one or more accountability partners. I have used Covenant Eyes for years and highly recommend it.
5. Educate your children about the dangers of the internet (including smart phones and apps). I want my kids to learn about sex from me and my wife — not some online stranger. Don’t be afraid to start talking with them about it ‘too early.’ Chances are good that they already know more than you think.
6. Educate yourself about the ways kids can circumvent filtering.
7. Don’t let the enemy convince you that there’s nothing to worry about.

As I said in my dissertation, it’s the silence that fuels the shame that feeds the addiction. Commit to learn some things during this week of awareness. I challenge you to do  your own internet searches — but do so very carefully because you just might stumble upon something you don’t really want or need to see. David Platt, pastor of the Church at Brook Hills and author of Radical, will be addressing this issue and a variety of related topics during the Secret Church Simulcast this Friday, November 4. Click here to find a host site near you.

I pray that God will continue to use my own struggles to help other people. To Him alone be the glory!

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Here are some additional online resources you might find helpful:

• Full-page flyer explaining this awareness week and offering a number of helpful online resources
• Here’s one of the best articles I’ve ever read regarding sexual brokenness.
• Covenant Eyes – Internet monitoring and filtering services
• Breaking Free – blog of Covenant Eyes
• Great general information about the facts regarding pornography as well as resources to help you guide your children.
• Informative article about pornography’s effects on the brain, written by a neurosurgeon
• Blazing Grace – online resources for sexual addiction
• Knight’s Quest Ministries – online resources regarding internet safety; workshops and seminars for schools, churches, and organizations
• Bethesda Workshops – online resources, healing workshops for sexual addiction and co-addiction with Marnie Ferree
• Faithful and True Ministries – training, counseling, and workshops with Mark and Debbie Laaser
• The Harms of Pornography – from United Families International

Related prior posts:

• A Beer on the Bookshelf
• Reading Between the Lines
• Our Society’s #1 Problem

*Unspecified statistics come from the Archdiocese of Kansas City. For an updated and very detailed statistical report from Covenant Eyes, click here. Even more statistical data provided by Internet Filter Review can be found here — and by Pure Hope by clicking here.

Stress is a very normal part of life. All people experience it — some to a greater extent than others. In this crazy world in which we live, there is no shortage of factors that can cause stress — or distress, which ever term you like best. Stress can show up in ways that are physical, psychological, or emotional/spiritual. And all of us have experienced some symptoms in each category at some point in life.

Anytime stress impacts us, it also impacts those around us — especially those closest to us. It affects us as spouses, as employees, as parents, and as friends. Sometimes the people around us are able to recognize the effects of stress in our lives even before we ourselves.

Change of any kind can produce stress. In times of political and economic change, as we are currently experiencing, stress can take a real toll on the culture. As I mentioned a few days ago in my post about unemployment, people who are without work — or facing the threat of a lay-off — are at high risk of suffering from stress in many forms.

The fact is that none of us can know what the future holds. But, praise God, we know He holds the future. If you are experiencing a time of high stress, I encourage you to take adequate care of yourself. Here are a few tips:

• Be spiritually centered through prayer and meditation on the Word of God.
   
• Get proper rest and nutrition. Don’t skip meals!
   
• Carve out time to exercise at least several days per week. Exercise is a natural stress reliever.
   
• Find safe people with whom to share your frustrations.
   
• Do your best to leave work stress at the office. Don’t dump the stress on your spouse or kids!
   
• Find ways to unplug from work. In this world of advanced technology, it’s easy to always be “on” and constantly connected through e-mail, voice-mail, etc. Set aside some protected time to get away from it all.
   
• Make a daily list of things you are thankful for. It’s easy to focus on the negatives in life.
   
• We must be intentional in finding things that are positive. Surround yourself with positive people, positive music, and positive literature.
   
• If you find the news distressing, as many people do, limit your access to it. One time per day of listening to a typical radio or TV newscast will provide plenty of negative information!
   
• Find time each day to connect with your spouse and kids for at least a few meaningful minutes. These moments will remind you what’s most important in life — and keep you focused during difficult times.
   
• Set aside time each week for an extended focus on building your marriage relationship. Something as simple as a half-hour walk together, a lunch date, or a leisurely drive can really give you and your partner a boost.
   
• Enjoy sex with your spouse. Yes, you read that right! The sexual relationship is gift of God to help us connect with our spouses. When we take time to enjoy that gift, we experience relaxation and stress relief as an added bonus.
   
• Get involved in something bigger than yourself. Studies show that those who are involved in church and community activities typically handle stress better than those who live more isolated lifestyles.
   
• Find a few times per week to refresh your spirit. This may be through reading a good book, watching a light-hearted comedy show, taking a long hot bath, or some other favorite activity.

These are just a few ways to help manage stress. Hopefully you have found some other things that work well for you. I leave you today with a favorite Bible verse:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:4-5, NIV)

If you are married, please take a moment to answer this poll question:

Of course, as with anything else in life, honesty must be a core value of both partners, and not just a value given lip service but one that is practiced everyday. Honesty becomes even more important to those who have suffered the pain of infidelity.

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, in their book Boundaries in Marriage, write:

Our notion of faithfulness in marriage is too often shallow. We generally think of it only in the physical realm. Yet, in many marriages spouses are physically faithful but not emotionally faithful. They are faithful with their bodies but not with their hearts. . . . There is little trust, little certainty, little saftey. Especially in religious circles, people think that if they are not sleeping with someone other than their spouse, they are being faithful. (p.131)

The authors contend that the notion of faithfulness must be applied to all areas of life — not just the sexual relationship.

Faithfulness within the context of marriage means giving yourself completely to someone. . . being willing to share all of life — the good, the bad, and the ugly. We know there are many ways to be unfaithful in marriage. Apart from having an all-out sexual encounter with another person, consider these possibilities:

• Communication. Engaging in secretive e-mails, IMs, text messages, or phone calls with someone other than your spouse. (Note: Consider it secretive if your partner doesn’t know about it!) The communications need not be sexual in nature to constitute a red flag. After all, “innocent” exchanges provide the foundation on which illicit affairs are built.
   
• Time. Spending excessive — or steadily increasing — amounts of time investing in things that are not related to the marriage relationship. These may include work, hobbies, friendships with others, the computer, etc.
   
• Money. Invariably money can be a big source of unfaithfulness as well. Does your partner know where your money is going? Oftentimes when couples struggle financially, it is in large part due to one partner’s on-the-side “investment” in unreported activities or interests. Over time these expenditures can leave the family struggling to meet basic needs.

Protecting the marriage must involve careful assessment of all areas of the relationship. It also must involve:

• Time together. This might seem like a real no-brainer, but you might be surprised at the number of couples that really don’t have much time together during the course of a normal week. Between hectic work schedules, school and extra-curricular activities, and church/community involvement, time together suffers tremendously. And without time together (both quality and quantity), communication and intimacy suffers as well. Time together should be a top priority for both partners.
   
• Honesty and openness. Be willing to share with your partner details of your day, including where you went, who you saw or talked to, things you bought, etc. When the need for privacy begins to outweigh the need for openness, trouble is often on the horizon. Those who struggle with being honest — or who are unable to appropriately receive honesty from their partner — may do well to seek some counseling in this area.
   
• Healthy boundaries. Cells have selectively permeable membranes (or boundaries) that allow good stuff in and keep bad stuff out. That kind of membrane preserves the integrity of the cell and allows it the best chance for survival. Like that cell, your marriage must have boundaries as well. We get some sense of what is good and bad from our faith experience and religious views. However, many areas regarding boundaries will be discovered through respectful discussions with your spouse. Boundaries ultimately determine the couples default settings for such things as opposite-sex friendships, interpersonal communication, and the like.

The call came in after 9:00 p.m. . . a friend terribly distraught over the spouse’s acknowledgement of infidelity which had come earlier that evening. Even though the affair had happened several years ago, the emotions of the moment were heart-wrenching indeed. Now in its wake lay deep-seated questions that beg for details the heart is hardly prepared to hear. . . not now. . . perhaps not ever.

In the moments of disclosure or discovery, time seems to stand still. The offended party may feel a burning sense of rage, a disturbing level of foolishness, and a nagging suspicion that maybe this is not the first time such an egregious act has taken place. The whole world seems to turn upside-down.

Infidelity is one of those things that seems increasingly rampant in our society. Counselors and attorneys are seeing more and more cases of infidelity, and the taboos against it seem to be disappearing. What innocently begins as friendship can quickly cross boundaries into something that has the capacity to shatter hearts and lives.

I happen to believe that the vast majority of married people took their vows seriously on their wedding day. And of those who break their vows, most would have thought such action unthinkable.

Infidelity is a serious offense because it rattles the very foundation on which relationships are built. Many people are living in marriages without trust. Whether for sheer financial convenience or obligation to their children, some couples have decided to stay together in veritable roommate situations — with no passion, no trust, no intimacy, and very little evidence of love. I do not condemn such a couple’s commitment to the “’til death do us part” section of their wedding vows. However, I believe that with help from a skillful and sensitive therapist, in many cases issues can be resolved and trust restored, paving the way for a marriage marked by intimacy, friendship, and faithfulness.

Infidelity has a bruising effect on individuals. And in an endlessly connected world, the avenues for infidelity are more available than ever before. With cell phones, e-mail, text messages, and chat, an invitation to unfaithfulness is as close as the push of a button. There are also more opportunities for blurred boundaries today, and it is necessary for couples to decide together what is acceptable and appropriate. One thing is certain: protective boundaries are necessary for marriages to survive and thrive in our ever-changing environment.

In cases of infidelity, the offended partner will often ask me, “What can I do to make sure he (or she) doesn’t do this again?” The fact of the matter is that we are ultimately only responsible for ourselves. While each one of us can do things — or not do things — that contribute to any lack of satisfaction in marriage, we must draw the line at taking responsibility for the actions of others — even those to whom we have pledged our faithfulness and devotion.

In my counseling practice, I tend to view all problems within a marriage as the couple’s problems. Even if only one person is responsible for a certain issue or offense, the issue will surely benefit from the efforts of both individuals to identify root causes, minimize the opportunity for recurrence or relapse, and set in place an environment conducive to accountability, healing, restoration, and success. No such environment is possible without the input and active engagement of both parties.

Marriage is a precious gift. Just as a gardener would never leave his most prized flower alone and exposed in a storm of wind, hail, and other extremes, those of us who are married must take special care to protect our most significant relationship in a society that finds marriage increasingly vulnerable.

Tomorrow we’ll look at some ways to protect our marriage relationships. As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts and insights.

Of course, when I was dating, Valentine’s Day was something of a high-pressure holiday. I always felt obligated to buy flowers or gifts for the one I liked (yes, liked not loved because I didn’t love easily). In fact, I always sort of felt that those guys were smartest who broke up with their girlfriends right before Christmas — and got back together right after Valentine’s Day. . . definitely seems like the right thing to do budget-wise.

Now married with children, Valentine’s Day is still not the highest priority. Both my wife and I have a low threshold of tolerance for the super-sappy stuff that makes the holiday what it is. But we do celebrate our love, just in different ways and times.

So many people seem to acknowledge their partners only on those days when the expectations are high — namely, Valetine’s Day, Christmas, birthdays, and anniversaries. How much more meaningful it is to celebrate throughout the year.

 I’ve heard the joke about the guy whose wife asked him if he still loved her. He replied, “I told you ‘I do’ on our wedding day, and I’ll let you know if I change my mind.” What an incredible softy!

Relationships are like plants. If they are to grow and become healthy, regular attention must be shown. Plants require several key things in order to attain vitality and health, among them, food, water, and sunlight. The key to health and growth is regularity. Think about it. What if we only watered plants three or four times a year? Most would not survive very long, would they? What if we only allowed them sunlight on special occasions? They probably wouldn’t appear so green.

In your special relationships, I hope you’ll water regularly with a generous outpouring of kindness and love. Maybe that involves doing chores around the house — even ones you don’t particularly like. Maybe that involves pampering your partner with a special treat every so often.

I also hope you’ll feed your relationship with things that are healthy. The old saying “garbage in, garbage out” is true in marriage relationships too, you know. A steady diet of harsh words, anger, and discontent can eat away at your marriage. However, words of affirmation, quality time, and selflessness can build up your partner — and boost your relationship to new heights.

On this Valentine’s Day, is your significant relationship sunny and warm — or stagnant, stale, and steeped in discontent? It’s a sad commentary indeed that we often take better care of our cars than our marriages. Does your marriage need a tune-up? If so, consider making an investment in some counseling or enrichment classes — before the leaves of your relationship begin to wither any more. You’ll be glad you did.

Today I celebrate the love I share with my beautiful wife, who truly is one of God’s greatest gifts.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I’ve been shaving my head pretty close with an electric shaver for several years now. Well, over the Christmas break, I decided to go all the way — with a blade. It didn’t take a lot of courage on my part, since most of my vanity from the college years left some time ago.

A couple days ago, my wife — who had not commented to that point — said, “Please promise you won’t ever do that to your head again.” I did what any loving husband would do. I passed it off as an opinion to be taken under advisement.

Then yesterday, I asked her if my new look had started to grow on her yet. Apparently not. She assured me that no amount of time would make her fondness grow.

I then made the mistake of remarking, “I wish you liked it, because it’s a lot less maintenance.” — to which she replied, “I wish you liked my fat, because it’s a lot less maintenance too.”

I’ve decided to let my hair grow a little now. Go figure.

This little exchange between the two of us got me thinking about the new year. I haven’t put any resolutions in writing yet (I will though; I always do). But this year I think I’ll shoot for some things that require a little more effort. After all, what’s easiest is not always best. . . for ourselves or those we love.

Sometimes the playgrounds of life become places of danger and despair. This photo from Jim Beckel of The Oklahoman captured my attention — and really made me think.

The latest round of winter weather is having punishing effects on much of the nation. From the plains of the Midwest all the way to New England, it’s beginning to look a lot like. . . well, winter, at least.

I remember well the ice storm of 1994 that paralyzed much of the South. I was a student at Ole Miss at the time, and I recall the impact as if it were yesterday. The crashing of ice-laden trees in the woodlands behind my apartment sounded like a warzone of sorts. As a resident in the city of Oxford, I was without power for 11 straight days. That was a very bad thing for the thousands of college students who had to be in class two days after the storm arrived, thanks to the special electric crews from Nashville that got the campus up and running quickly.

My heart goes out to all those in the areas that have been so devestated by nature’s seemingly silent fury. It’s amazing how something that is so beautiful on many levels can also be so damaging — even deadly — on another.

Ice storms are unlike other types of severe weather, in that they can develop with very little notice. It takes just the right mix of humidity and cold air to create the perfect storm. Often there is a marked absence of loud precipitation, strong winds, or other normal indicators of severe weather. In fact, it is often during our sleep that a light rain can begin to freeze, coating trees, roads, and other surfaces with a dangerous layer of ice.

You know, there are lots of problems in life that develop in much the same way. Just as is the case with severe weather, we have to be alert to the signs of trouble on the horizon in other areas.

We have to pay attention to increasing tension in intimate relationships. This may come in the form of hostile or aggressive behavior, such as physical fighting or verbal abuse. . . or in the form of distancing behavior, such as the “silent treatment” or other patterns of avoidance.

We have to pay attention to changes in our bodies, in the case of physical problems, and seek medical attention, if needed. Just as we listen to weather forecasters for guidance in preparing for a storm, we must listen to our bodies, especially in the areas of sleep, appetite patterns, and pain.

We also must be aware of changes in our thought patterns or emotional responses. Being occasionally distracted or getting occasionally angry are things that might not necessarily get your attention. However, a marked increase in distractibility or angry feelings, especially if accompanied by verbal outbursts, are a cause for concern.

Knowing what is baseline, or normal, for you can be a real benefit — especially if professional help becomes necessary.

There are so many specific things of which we need to be mindful. Just as is the case with developing weather situations, early warning is a major key to an appropriate response.

If you “sleep” through the warning signs, you’ll likely awaken to a crisis situation.

One thing is certain: storms come for all of us, from time to time. Don’t be left out in the cold. Pay attention to changes in your own physical, social, and emotional neighborhood — and take any action before things get worse.