Cat’s in the Cradle
by Harry and Mary Chapin

A child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talking ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew,
He’d say, “I’m gonna be like you, dad.
You know I’m gonna be like you.”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

My son turned ten just the other day.
He said, “Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let’s play.
Can you teach me to throw?” I said, “Not today,
I got a lot to do.” He said, “That’s ok.”
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed,
Said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I’m gonna be like him.”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
“Son, I’m proud of you. Can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head, and he said with a smile,
“What I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please?”

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

I’ve long since retired and my son’s moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind.”
He said, “I’d love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job’s a hassle, and the kid’s got the flu,
But it’s sure nice talking to you, dad.
It’s been sure nice talking to you.”
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He’d grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when,
But we’ll get together then, dad.
You know we’ll have a good time then.”

Life is precious. Time is fleeting. Every day counts. As a father myself, I pray that I will be the kind of role model that I’ll be glad for my children to follow. If you’re a dad reading this and aren’t exactly proud of the example you’ve been, I encourage you to take some time to reach out to your children and decide to make the most of whatever time and opportunities you have left. You can’t turn back time, and words can’t undo any damage that’s been done. But every day counts.

One never knows what tomorrow holds.

At our house we have a tradition in which we collect blessings shared by our family and friends, write them on paper leaves, and attach them to our ‘tree of thanks.’ This is a great way to practice thanksgiving throughout the month — and to model gratitude for the children.

There are so many things for which we are thankful. Big things. Little things. And things in between. But in the Conner home, we are careful to remember that every good and perfect gift is from above.

Of course, not everything that happens in life is considered to be a good thing. But for those of us who are in Christ, we know that He causes all things to work together for the good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. So, your list of blessings will likely include things such as patience and faithfulness in bringing you through a particularly difficult situation. Or maybe your list will include trials which made you stronger and more dependent on Him.

Whatever the case may be, as you begin November, I encourage you to consider a family activity like the ‘tree of thanks’ as a way to focus your hearts in preparation for the coming holiday season.

Give thanks with a grateful heart . . . and see how much your perspective will change!

IT’S YOUR TURN!

• What are you most thankful for this year?

I must admit that I’m not all that big a fan of Halloween. Pumpkins are fine. And I’ve even been a scarecrow once or twice in my adult life. But times have changed a lot since I was a kid.

When I was young, my brother and I used to love dressing up and going door-to-door on our country road, collecting all kinds of candy from the neighbors. Of course, that was then — and this is now. The big difference is that people in our community actually knew our neighbors. We visited with each other. We cared for each other during tough times. We shared meals and exchanged homegrown vegetables and homemade jams.

These days the busyness of life keeps many of us from knowing our neighbors on a personal level — or perhaps even wanting to be known.

As parents we are faced with more serious challenges today. If you watch the news at all, you certainly understand that parents just can’t be too cautious about the safety of their kids. Gangbangers, drug dealers, and sex offenders too often find themselves nestled in the middle of quiet and unassuming neighborhoods . . . so much so that, at least for my family, traditional trick-or-treating is simply not a viable option.

I enjoy seeing kids in costumes. Adults? Not so much. And I really don’t care at all for scary costumes. I think some of the school and church harvest carnivals provide a good family-friendly alternative — if they’re actually held on Halloween. Too often I think these events just provide an opportunity for layering the candy-collecting craze (or should I say calorie-collecting?).

How do I feel about Halloween? Well, that’s not exactly an easy question for me to answer. I suppose it has much to do with what it means to you. If it’s about death, devils, and demons, I really want nothing to do with it. If it’s about seeing kids dress up in fun costumes and having some family fun — particularly in a safe, church or school setting — then I think it can be OK.

I guess my real concern lies in seeing our schools focus more on Halloween than Christmas. And, yes, that’s definitely happening in many places. We don’t seem to mind legislating Jesus out of our schools, but the devil is always welcome.

In some ways though, I must confess that I think Halloween is probably one of the biggest ways in which believers have become a part of the world rather than just people passing through it. And as I listen to myself, I suppose my own seeming ambivalence underscores the significance of the issue.

The truth is that as believers, we’ve become pretty good at developing ways to share the Gospel during this hotly contested time of year. Through the Pumpkin Patch Parable, special tracts, and outreach events, many churches have worked to make the best of it.

However, one thought keeps coming to me: Just as a recovering alcoholic shouldn’t hang out in a bar, a growing believer shouldn’t flirt with evil. And no matter how we dress it up, Halloween is at its core a celebration of darkness.

1 John 1:5b says, “God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.”

Hmmm . . . maybe I need to spend more time being in the Light than looking for ways to excuse playing in the dark.

But boy, how good we’ve gotten at justifying that!

IT’S YOUR TURN!

• I’m really interested. What are your thoughts on Halloween?
• If you’re a Christian, do you ‘observe’ the day — and if so, how?

However, questions linger and are actually being fueled today by the family’s Thursday night appearance on Larry King Live, in which the previously missing six-year-old said, “We did this for the show.” (Story here.)

I just bet they did.

I said yesterday that I would withhold judgment for a bit. Well, I have some thoughts that transcend the whole balloon incident.

First of all, it would seem to me that these children are being raised in an extremely laissez-faire environment. Why in the world would these kids be playing on the roof with a video camera? And yes, apparently both mom and dad were home at the time, so supervision theoretically should have been going on.

Secondly, I stand by my original statement that these parents (or at least the dad) indicate a huge need for attention that goes far beyond any normal limits. And I simply detest it when people even remotely appear to exploit their children to fulfill that attention need. Jon and Kate are another example of reality shows gone very bad. I suppose that’s why I very rarely tune in to such programming. The skeptic in me is always at work.

Thirdly, I’m all for adventure. And clearly this father is adventurous. With his incredible attraction to science and fascination for exploring extraterrestrial life, he seems quite the character. Add to that this interest in making homemade helium balloons, and . . . well, let’s just say it would seem that his sense of daring and adventure has  overtaken any reasonable level of common sense.

The fact of the matter is that we’ll probably never know for sure what the real situation was. Did the parents really believe the small child was in the balloon? If so, then why did we hear nothing about a detached basket until after the thing crash-landed? I mean, with the whole world watching on live TV, it was pretty clear that there was no basket for the 90 some-odd minutes that I watched.

I guess that on the bright side, this kid will have a great story to write when his teacher assigns the “What’s the Most Exciting Thing That’s Ever Happened to You?” essay.

Never mind. I’m wrong about that. Who wants to read about someone hiding in a box in the attic for four hours?

I guess the dad will just have to keep trying. After all, with a name like Falcon, this kid of his was apparently born to fly.

Better yet, family therapy and parenting classes. Now there’s an idea worth pursuing.

This family was apparently featured on the ABC reality show “Wife Swap.” I don’t know about you, but that just screams “attention need” to me. Add to that the father’s seeming proclivity for keeping himself in the public spotlight via iReports on CNN, and you have a wonderfully tasty recipe for skepticism to develop.

The news reports are all over the place, in terms of where the family members were — and what they were doing — in the moments just before the balloon allegedly “broke loose.”

I have a lot more that I could say about this situation that has captured the attention of millions, interrupted air traffic, and stirred fear in the hearts of parents and grandparents all over the world.

But I’ll reserve judgment. For now.

And hope that I’m very wrong about what I’m thinking and feeling at present. Time will tell.

Communication really is a powerful thing. And it can be positive or negative. As a church staff member, I have always enjoyed church-related jokes and communication bloopers. Take these for example:

• “Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.”
   
• “For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.”
   
• “Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.”

Yes, sometimes in spite of our best efforts, the words just don’t come out quite right. I remember a Seminary president talking in chapel one day about the off-campus centers. . .only he referred to them as “off-center campuses.” Hmmm. . .not exactly the same, is it?

One of my favorite children’s book series is that of Amelia Bedelia, the well-meaning housekeeper who simply took things way too literally. When asked to “put out the lights,” she actually unscrewed the bulbs and took them outside. When asked to separate the eggs, she placed one on the cabinet and one on the stove.

Parents have to be careful in communicating with children as well. . . especially young children. Sometimes they just hear things differently than we intend. During a recent furniture-shopping adventure, my eight-year-old son assured me that mom did not want a couch; “she wants a sexual,” he insisted. Wow, that one was pretty impossible not to laugh about. Perhaps it was his take on the discussion that made me more open to the sectional that now finds its home in our living room.

It is so important to give serious consideration not only to our words but also to our non-verbal and para-verbal communication (elements such as tone, rate of speech, and cadence). In fact, experts explain that only about seven percent of communication actually comes from the words themselves! That’s precisely why we must all be especially careful when communicating via e-mail and text messages. Tone is difficult to accurately interpret, and those silly little emoticons are only marginally helpful!

As you go through this week, I encourage you to be very intentional about the way you communicate with others. Listen for mixed messages. Pay attention to your body language and tone of voice. And choose your words carefully. Don’t expect people to be able to read your mind!

With a little extra effort, you can experience the joy that comes from clear and consistent communication.

In recent weeks, having had the opportunity to be at home a lot, I have come to appreciate her even more. Michelle starts her day early each morning — whenever the first kid awakens, sometime between 6:00 and 7:00. Our children are 8 and 3, so our household stays quite busy from sun-up to sundown. Between calls for milk or juice and referreeing sibling disputes, Michelle seldom has any time for herself.

I think Michelle is a natural mom, although she admits that she doesn’t quite consider it a talent to make PB&J sandwiches with her eyes half-closed — which she does almost every morning. There are so many things involved in being a mom — little things, like signing homework papers and kissing injured body parts — and big things, like juggling endless piles of laundry, preparing nutritious meals, and keeping things well-organized. 

It’s been said that moms are cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, teachers, nurses, shoppers, family organizers, calendar-keepers, laundramat operators, entertainers, disciplinarians, and friends — just to name a few of the hats they wear. Mom is one of the few positions in the world that will NEVER face a lay-off. In fact, they seldom get a DAY off!

Moms have been multi-tasking since WAY before that word was in vogue. In addition to their visible everyday responsibilities, moms are tasked with something even more complex. They are charged with instilling faith, hope, and love in the lives of their children. Moms are on the frontlines in terms of helping children learn right from wrong. They are indispensable in promoting both compassion and self-confidence in their kids. I am so thankful that God provided me with a partner who excels in all these areas. Her contributions to our family no doubt often go unnoticed, because I know she does more things behind the scenes than I could ever really imagine.

But the most important thing Michelle does for our family is to be a godly role model for our kids. She models the love of Christ everytime she kisses me and tells me how much she loves me. . . every time she prays for me and the kids by name. . .and every time she chooses to practice patience when faced with trials and frustrations.

Don’t get me wrong. Michelle experiences that overwhelmed feeling from time to time. The good thing is that she only allows overwhelmed to be an occasional visitor in our home — not a permanent resident. And that in itself is a testimony of her grace as a mom.

I love watching Michelle grow as a mother — demonstrating understanding, compassion, and a keen sense of humor. Sometimes that sense of humor is all that gets her through the day!

This Mother’s Day I celebrate the one I always knew would be a terrific mom — my wife, my lover, and my very best friend. Michelle, thanks for being you! I love you bunches! And our kids do too!

First we watched the caterpillars double then triple in size. Then we watched as they each made their way to the top of the habitat to dangle, as if by a single thread, and wait to spin the cocoon. Finally, we observed them one by one emerge from the crysalis stage as butterflies, proudly pumping their colorful new wings.

My son loved the opportunity to feed the butterflies a few drops of sugar water each day. He carefully dropped the water on the petals of bright flowers. And for several days the kids bid the butterflies goodnight before going to bed. I even found myself leaving a dim light on for them, in case they wanted to catch up on something they might have missed. (I know, I’m a real sap, aren’t I?)

Anyway, butterflies have such a short life span — usually no more than three or four weeks. And since they had been in the artificial habitat (a.k.a, cage) for several days, we knew that the time had come to release them into nature and let them do what they were created to do. So, this afternoon we did just that. My wife really wanted to keep them for a couple more days, but my son and daughter were ready to let them go. This morning the butterflies had all made their way to the top of the cage as if to say, “Hey, let me outta here.” I think that had something to do with my son’s decision to make today the release date.

As we opened up the flap on the cage, the butterflies cautiously fluttered out, one by one, making their way to various places around our house. One went into the street, and I immediately went to check on him (or her — how do you tell anyway?). Another made its way onto the roof for a brief time. The others found their way to the flowering shrubs out front and began consuming the sweet nectar.

I asked my son if he felt okay about letting the butterflies go, and I just loved his answer. He said, “Yeah, Daddy, I really do. You can’t hold onto things forever.”

Sometimes these gigantic doses of wisdom just burst forth from the mouths of children, and I find myself contemplating their meaning literally for hours. There are several lessons I have learned from the butterfly experience.

First, God has carefully and artfully prepared a transformation process for these creatures. He has done the very same thing for you and for me. Like the ugly caterpillars, we have a decision to make. Will we choose to put ourselves in the place where transformation can happen, or will we choose to continue crawling around on the increasingly littered floor of life until we die?

Second, God made the butterflies to live for a brief time on this earth, participating in the circle of life and adding grace and beauty to their surroundings. They best achieve that purpose when they’re allowed to experience freedom. Seeing the butterflies leave the artificial habitat was a scary thing in some crazy way. I’m sure it’s much like the anxiety every parent feels when they watch their children demonstrate increasing independence. But the greatest guarantee of their failure would be the choice to never let them be free at all.

Finally, I like the lesson that my son has apparently learned — that you can’t hold onto things forever. You know, I think that on so many levels we all struggle to accept that reality in our own lives. Look at the things we do hold onto: anger, sadness, bitterness, grief, jealousy, fear, negativity, addictions. . . the list could go on and on. The truth is that we could have held onto the butterflies forever, and they would have never been able to feel the wind beneath their wings, the sunshine on their backs, and the joy of doing what they were created to do. The same thing is true for us when we insist on holding onto certain things.

Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (NIV)

What are you trying so hard to hold onto today? Let go. . .and enjoy the freedom of the butterflies. They don’t have very long to live. . .and it would be such a shame to waste that precious time in bondage. How much more true is that for us?

S-Bridge at Garvan Woodland Gardens in Hot Springs, Arkansas

This evening I spent some time helping my son learn to properly navigate his bike. Jackson is a good kid but one that is spoiled because so many things come easy to him. Consequently, he can get pretty frustrated when something takes a little more effort than he thinks should be the case. Bike riding is one of those things.

Tonight we were practicing curves. Unfortunately for his little knees, it turned out to be more about curbs. Still, curves are absolutely necessary skills to learn in riding a bike. I laughed out loud when he yelled to me from some distance away, “You know, it would be a lot easier if I could just go in straight lines!”

That was one of the simplest but most profound statements I’ve heard in quite a while. Think about it. He’s exactly right. Straight lines are always easier. You can almost manage straight lines in your sleep, as a matter of fact.

But curves — like alarm clocks — are a regular part of life. . . .something we can pretty well count on.

As my family and I traveled last week, we were frightened at times by the difficulty of the curves in the roads on which we traveled. But we were also captivated by the beauty of the landscape those crooked trails enabled us to enjoy.

At the start of a new week, I caution that you will almost definitely encounter some unforeseen curves in life. . . . perhaps a sickness or injury. . . perhaps a major problem at work. . . maybe a family crisis of some sort. I encourage you to anticipate such challenges and purpose within yourself even now to find meaning in such frustrating and disheartening situations.

And be grateful that you will encounter no curve in life that God did not see coming.

Of course, I couldn’t resist the urge to go in and tell her goodnight. She bounced gleefully in her bed, springing up to kiss me on the cheek.

There are many things I enjoy in life, but perhaps none so much as being a Dad. Now, don’t get me wrong. That doesn’t mean I necessarily enjoy the little clothes strewn all over the house. . . or the toys I invariably step on in the middle of the night. . . or the many hidden treasures that wait patiently to be discovered underneath the sofa cushions (and other very creative hiding places!).

But I absolutely LOVE being a Dad.

I hear so many parents complain about their children, practically wishing for a swift transition to adulthood. And I find that such a sad commentary on the state of the family. Sure, juggling kids’ homework and practice schedules and church activities is no walk in the park. It takes time, energy, and a great deal of commitment — not to mention patience.

One thing I know for sure: our attitude is a part of life we have the power to choose. I suppose I could focus on the noise, the mess, and the busyness that goes with being part of a family. I suppose I could focus on the sibling rivalry, the seemingly endless ow-ies, and the less-than-perfect housekeeping routine.

But in those times when I’m tempted to focus on such things, I remind myself that in a very short time, there will be no more little clothes. . . or noisy toys. . . or sofa surprises.

Yes, I fear that one day not too terribly far from now, I’ll rush in from a late appointment. . . and the delightful sound of “Daddy’s home!” will be only a distant memory.

I’m blessed beyond measure to have not just one but two jobs that I truly love. But the job I love the most is the one that requires the highest degree of commitment and provides the lowest amount of pay. Being a Dad is a full-time job — and a life-altering experience.

Every day.

I’m glad I’m home.