When the season started, he was brand new to the sport. In fact, all the kids on his team were new to it. The practices were challenging, and the games were pretty fun to watch, as the kids practically chased the ball from one end of the field to the other. They simply applied the principles of chase, a game they were already comfortable with, to the game of soccer. While it provided a great deal of entertainment for the parents — and frustration for the coaches — this strategy did not prove effective for winning games.

Now three weeks into the season, the kids are finally beginning to learn the rules of the new game. For the most part, they now understand that in order to score points for their team, they must somehow manage to get ahead of the ball and turn it around toward their goal.

Still, I took a good deal of time out of my day yesterday to work with my son one-on-one and help him put the principles of the game into practice. We worked hard, and he demonstrated a good deal of understanding and improvement.

It’s really kind of funny. Adults are a lot like these kids when it comes to handling their problems. We are pretty good at identifying the problem. We will even take the time to chase it around. But it’s not until we understand what’s required to manage the problem to our benefit that we experience success in life.

Like my son, you may need some one-on-one help in order to turn things around. I encourage you to make the time to find a trustworthy and knowledgeable friend, neighbor, minister, or counselor who can help you begin experiencing success and greater effectiveness in life. After all, there’s not a one of us who can’t benefit from some sort of coach from time to time.

What kind of problem are you just chasing around? How can you get ahead of the problem so you can get a good handle on it?

Toward the end of the meal, my son expressed a certain urgency to find a restroom. Of course, our server was nowhere in sight at that time, so I went on a little expedition to scout out the restrooms. Being the man that I am, I thought I could do fine without stopping for directions. I looked in a couple different seemingly logical places but to no avail. Finally, in an act of sheer desperation, I went to the hostess desk and asked.

The hostess guided us into a dimly-lit bar area that was bustling with activity. As I looked around the room, I could see no sign of a restroom. Then she took us around another corner into a hallway. . . still no sign. I had almost decided that she too was lost. Finally, the hostess directed us to take a left turn, where we finally found the restrooms, clearly marked by the familiar silhouettes of a man and a woman. By that point, I was really glad that my son’s urgency wasn’t TOO urgent, if you know what I mean.

How many times in life do we do this? We know the problem. We know what we need. We just don’t know how to get there.

I find that is frequently the case for those who come to a counseling session for the first time. Usually they have some indication of what the problem is. They frequently have some idea what they need. They simply struggle to know how to get from where they are to where they want to be.

Maybe you find yourself feeling that way from time to time. Like me in the restaurant, you look around in all the logical places only to find yourself increasingly frustrated by a growing sense of urgency and a still-unmet need. The good news is that you don’t have to walk circles in the dark. Have the courage to lay aside your pride and ask someone for help. As hard as that may be, particularly for men, it is one of the quickest ways to take care of yourself so that you can get to the things that bring joy and fulfillment in life.

The journey may be longer than you had hoped. The path may be darker than you’d like. But getting to where you want to be is an incredible accomplishment.

If you’re struggling today to find your way — through loss, through change, or through personal or relational chaos — I encourage you to seek out the help of a capable pastor or counselor.

Ignoring the problem will not make it go away; it will only make your journey longer, your mind more confused, and your spirit more anxious.

For some, the images may include riding bicycles, fishing with a grandparent, helping mom in the kitchen, or bringing home a new sibling — or a pet.

Others may recall sad or troubling images, ones that still bring strong feelings of fear, loneliness, and pain. In fact, those recollections may leave the person feeling like they really are a child all over again. Still others may have very few — or very disconnected — memories of childhood. For many who have suffered abuse as a child, this inability to recall details may be evidence of a special kind of grace. Perhaps the details are just too painful to revisit.

This is the case for many children in our society — far too many.

April is National Child Abuse Prevention month. As a counselor who has done a significant amount of work with children and families, both in clinical, ministry, and residential settings, I can attest to not only the prevalence of child abuse but also to its far-reaching effects on families and communities.

I will not bore you with statistics, although they are disturbing. However, I will encourage you to take seriously the problem of child abuse.

Here are ten ways you can make a difference:

1. Know the signs of abuse. 
     
2. Don’t buy into the “it’s none of my business” philosophy. There’s no telling how many children have died because someone didn’t want to get involved. Know your state’s child abuse hotline, and don’t be afraid to use it.
    
3. Talk with your children about stranger danger.
    
4. Build an open, honest, and trusting relationship with your children so they will feel more comfortable coming to you with details of abuse (of themselves or their friends).
     
5. Encourage your church or civic groups to take seriously the problem of child abuse and to be proactive in the area of protection. This may include revisiting policies, procedures, and security protocol.
    
6. Talk openly with your children about any abuse that plays out on TV or in movies. While you may need to limit your children’s exposure to media, such shows can provide a window of opportunity for teachable moments and honest discussion.
    
7. Get to know your children’s friends — and their families. Remember that abuse does not always happen at the hands of adults.
    
8. Trust your instincts as a parent. If you feel that some kind of abuse may be going on, listen intently to the child and take appropriate action. However, don’t put you and your family in harm’s way. Sometimes it is necessary to involve the police or protective services early on.
    
9. Volunteer at your local Children’s Advocacy Center, a children’s home, or similar organization.
    
10. Know your neighbors. Regularly check the list of registered sex offenders in your area. 

We can make a difference. . . one child at a time.

For more information on the definition and signs of abuse, click here. If you have questions about child abuse or need further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.