I have some friends and family members who are presently experiencing difficult days. While I won’t claim to have all the answers, I would like to offer four suggestions for helping those who are hurting:

1. Pray for them. Why is it that even for Christians prayer is often our last resort rather than our first response? I believe that prayer changes things, so I pray for my hurting friends, knowing that the God of the universe hears our cries and cares deeply for His children. I’ve found that praying for people is something easy to promise when asked — but just as easy to forget once I’m distracted by the busyness of life. Never underestimate the power of praying with your friends in their time of need. We bond with one another when we pray aloud together.

2. Be present with them. So many times we struggle to find the right words to say. Often that’s because there simply are no words. Nothing we can say will change the situation or alleviate the pain. Be willing to be present with your friends. When I minister to people who are gravely ill or to families who have just lost one to death, I’ve found that just being there is enough. In our busy society we’re prone to try and fix things. Just be present and available to listen or pray or cry. Your presence is an invaluable gift.

3. Allow them an opportunity to have a get-away. This one is not always possible for every situation, but there’s usually some way to pull it off. When emotional burdens drain your friends’ life and energy, offer to watch the kids . . . or take your friends for a drive in the country . . . or give them a gift card to the movies. Just a little time away — a change of pace — can provide a much-needed respite from the constant cares and stresses of life.

4. Take them a meal. No matter what is going on, at some point your friends have to eat. A nutritious, home-cooked meal — or even a restaurant gift card — can provide a practical help. Many Sunday School classes and ministry groups now use a handy, user-friendly website to coordinate meals for those in need. Click here to check it out.

In almost every situation, we can find some way to be helpful to those who are hurting. Just remember that if you’re not hurting now, you will be one day. Do something for others that you’d like to have done for you in your time of need.

“So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” – Galatians 6:10

IT’S YOUR TURN!
What are some practical ways others have been helpful to you in times of need?

“These Moments Called Today”

Whatever you are going through, wherever you might hide,
God is always waiting with His arms open wide.
He knows your disappointments, your challenges, and fears,
And He wants you to trust Him as He wipes away your tears.
When life leaves you speechless, and you don’t know what to say,
Just ask Him to light your path and help you find your way.
When you get discouraged, feel hopeless and alone,
Remember that He’s there for you and loves you as His own.
So however you are feeling, if you think He’s gone away,
Remember He is with you in these moments called ‘today.’

A Christian marriage is one of God’s greatest gifts. Things haven’t always been easy; in fact, we’ve had some real rough patches along the way. As those of you who are married can attest, it’s one thing to love someone — and another thing entirely to share space with them day after day.

Life has a funny way of throwing curve balls when you least expect them. Challenges arise. Difficulties come. Anxiety overtakes. Those are the times that test the bonds of marriage. Those are the times during which a cord of three strands is absolutely essential.

As I look back on the last fifteen years, a number of things stand out very clearly. Like all other married couples, we’ve experienced the highs and lows that come with the natural markings of life. It’s during the tough times that we’ve had to remember that marriage cannot be based on feelings, which ebb and flow and come and go.

Marriage must be rooted in love. And love is a choice . . . a decision . . . a commitment . . . a covenant before the God of the universe. What comes after this life is yet to be seen. For the present life, however, I have a quiet confidence that God in His grace joined our hearts and lives together and will continue to paint the tapestry of our marriage with a kaleidoscope of watercolors whose impressive array of patterns only He can see. We often get focused on one particular shade of color, but on occasion from a distant place, God allows us to catch a glimpse of the bigger picture.

Through marriage I’ve learned to trust more deeply, share more completely, and love more fully than I ever thought possible. And while our daily routine is filled with all the mundane things of any family — laundry, trash, menu planning, and such — it’s the daily routine that provides the fertile ground from which a deeper, richer, more fulfilling relationship can emerge.

On this day fifteen years ago, two very in-love individuals were joined together in holy matrimony. When we said ‘I do’ and exchanged rings and kisses, we set out on a wild adventure called marriage. Through the laughter and tears, heartaches and fears, one thing has kept us together: our commitment to love each other faithfully as long as we both shall live.

We did. We have. We will.

By His grace.

Michelle, you are one of God’s greatest gifts . . . and I can never thank Him enough.

I can honestly say that I love you today far more than I did back then. Thank you for loving me too.

Happy Anniversary.

We saw many, many people along the sidewalks and tourist sites. But the subway stations amazed me the most. Michelle and I joked that you could always tell who the out-of-towners were because they’d say, “Excuse me” when they brushed against you, and many of the New Yorkers said, “Excuse you.”

We didn’t know much about these people, but they were people of all colors and nationalities who spoke many different languages. They also undoubtedly had very real needs — just like you and me. And most of them were clearly in a hurry to get wherever they were going.

Of course, you don’t have to go to a big city to see people. And even in rural America, people seem increasingly hurried due to the busyness of life. Let me challenge you to stop for a few moments and think about this question:

How many people do you see up close in the course of your normal week? Be sure to consider . . .

• Family
• Friends
• Co-Workers/Colleagues
• Shoppers in stores, buying gas, etc.
• Delivery people
• People eating and serving in restaurants
• Parents and grandparents at kids’ sporting events

Do you have a number in mind? Write it down.

Think about your number. How many of those people would you guess are involved in a local Bible-believing church? (If you have no clue, for the purposes of this activity, assume they are not involved in church.) Write  down your number. How many of the people you see each day do you know are professing believers in Jesus Christ? Write it down.

Now, add your last two numbers together — then subtract that total from your original number.

Don’t worry; you’re never going to get a completely accurate number. This number simply represents your ‘faces in the crowd’ — distinct individuals in your path who may not have a saving relationship with Christ. I’m sure you have much more interaction — or potential for interaction — with some of these individuals than with others.

OK, now for the tough question:

Of your number, how many of those people have you told about what Jesus has done for you?

If you’re like the vast majority of church-going people, that number is pretty small. Shameful, really. It makes you want to re-think your numbers, doesn’t it? Surely there must be an error in the math.

Well, we are, of course, not dealing with scientific numbers but hypothetical ones. And for a number of us — particularly those of us in ministry — our ‘faces in the crowd’ number was much smaller than it should have been simply because we often find ourselves surrounded by other believers. If we’re not careful, we can become so insulated from the world that we have very little influence on it. I’m often reminded that Jesus has called us to be light to a world that is lost and needs to know Him. And flashlights and candles show up most in the darkness — not when surrounded by other lights. Our constant challenge is to be intentional about putting ourselves in places where there are pockets of darkness.

As you go through your week, I encourage you to look around you for opportunities to share the Good News. Pray each day that God will provide you with an opportunity to share Him with someone. Look people in the eye and try to see them as God sees them — beautiful, special, and loved.

Here’s a great music video by Brandon Heath to help anchor this reminder in your life:

IT’S YOUR TURN!
Can you recall the last time you intentionally stopped what you were doing or changed your schedule in order to respond to someone in need? Share the Gospel? Offer to pray with someone you didn’t know?

Did you like this post? If so, you might also be interested in these previous posts:

• 5 ideas for church growth

• Joy to the World!

• 4 keys to a Christ-centered doomsday response

A number of churches and small groups across the country will join this event live where they are, thanks to the miracle of modern technology. Platt has held ‘Secret Church‘ for several years, and it has now become part of the disciple-making DNA of this local church. Held twice each year, Secret Church continues to draw people from all over the country — so much so that overflow seating is necessary on-site. This in-depth time of Bible study, worship, and prayer is intended to help us identify with the many Christ-followers who meet in secret all over the world — not so much out of fear of persecution as devotion to Christ.

As was the case on Good Friday of this year, LifeWay Christian Resources has partnered with Platt’s mission organization, Disciple-Making International, to make this experience available on a whole new level. Platt had originally planned to speak on the subject of ‘Heaven, Hell, and the End of the World.’ And that is a topic of great interest and certainly worthy of discussion. However, Platt decided to shift the focus for this session to ‘Family, Marriage, Sex, and the Gospel.’ He says that this change was made in response to many of the issues showing up in major ways throughout American society today. As a pastor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I must say that I am absolutely thrilled to see someone willing to take on topics such as marriage, divorce, homosexuality, same-sex marriage, singleness, adoption, abortion, and pornography — just to name a few. During six hours of intense study, Secret Church participants will receive biblical teaching and instruction regarding issues that, quite frankly, many pastors — even in evangelical churches — are afraid to tackle for fear of offending others. I am reminded over and over that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is and should be offensive, because we are all sinners standing in need of God’s mercy and grace.

Now I understand that Friday nights in the fall are full of lots of possibilities for activities and entertainment. High school football is still king, especially in the deep South, and many school systems are also enjoying a few days for ‘fall break.’ However, I’m going to challenge you to shift your focus for this one Friday night. We have lots of people sitting in our pews every Sunday who honestly have no real clue about what the Bible has to say about some of these specific issues that are plaguing our culture today, bearing constant evidence of the steady and accelerating decay of Christian values. It was just yesterday that someone said to me, “How do we know homosexuality is wrong? Aren’t people just born that way? The Bible seems to contradict itself.”

Friends, we not only need to know what we believe; we also need to know why we believe it — and how to communicate the truths of Scripture to those in our circles of influence. I’m convinced that it’s only when each individual believer decides for him- or herself to be the salt and light Christ calls us to be, that we will ever see spiritual renewal in our land.

In a recent interview with Trevin Wax, Platt recounted this powerful quote from author Daniel Heimbauch:

“The stakes in the current conflict over sex are more critical, more central, and more essential than in any controversy the church has ever known. This is a momentous statement, but I make it soberly, without exaggeration. Conflict over sex these days is not just challenging tradition, orthodoxy, and respect for authority in areas such as ordination, marriage, and gender roles. And it does not just affect critically important doctrines like the sanctity of human life, the authority and trustworthiness of scripture, the Trinity, and the incarnation of Christ. Rather, war over sex among Christians is now raging over absolutely essential matters of faith without which no one can truly be a Christian in the first place—matters such as sin, salvation, the gospel, and the identify of God himself.”

In his sermon series, Attachment: The Gospel and Our Families, David Platt said,

“There is no question that the picture of a Christ-centered family in our culture is under attack. And there’s no question that the things the Bible teaches us will set us, in many ways, against the culture in which we live. We’ve got to decide from the very beginning whether or not we want to be molded into what our culture says is right, or if we want to be molded into what God says is right. This is not about cultural convenience.”

I couldn’t agree more. All that said, let me share a few comments from respected Christian leaders that help shed light on the fundamental importance of tonight’s topic of study:

ON DIVORCE

“There no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce; it is now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage. Interviews with young adults suggest that they want their initial marriage to last, but are not particularly optimistic about that possibility. There is also evidence that many young people are moving toward embracing the idea of serial marriage, in which a person gets married two or three times, seeking a different partner for each phase of their adult life.” – GEORGE BARNA, The Barna Group [Full Article Here]

ON SAME-SEX MARRIAGE

“Our authority to speak to the needs of our nation today is the Scripture. The Scriptures teach that there are absolutes and that there is such a thing as right and wrong. Truth is never tolerant of a lie. The real battleground around this debate on homosexual marriage begins with the question: Who is your authority? We believe that the timeless truth of Holy Scripture gives us the authoritative blueprints for life. We respect those who wish to deny the truth of Scripture. We would ask for a mutual respect in return.” – DENNIS RAINEY and BOB LEPINE, FamilyLife Ministries [Full Article Here]

ON PORNOGRAPHY

“The reality is that pornography is the most abused ‘drug’ in our country and sexual addiction is the addiction of choice among Christians. Based on surveys conducted by Christianity Today, 47 percent say porn is a ‘major problem’ in their homes and 51 percent of ministers say it’s their biggest temptation. For 37 percent, it’s a current struggle.” – MARNIE FERREE, Recovering Sex Addict, Marriage Therapist, and Speaker [Full Article Here]

As the above statements indicate, barring divine intervention, the moral collapse of our culture is imminent. We can and we must do a better job of studying God’s Word, applying God’s Word to our daily lives, and communicating the truth of God’s Word at every opportunity. I have no doubt that your participation in tonight’s session of Secret Church will help equip you to do just that.

The Secret Church Simulcast is scheduled for tonight from 6:00 p.m. to midnight (CST). Click here to find a host site near you.

Watch the brief promotional video:

In an open letter posted to his website several years ago, Swindoll wrote:

The most recent studies available suggest that one out of every two people — that’s 50% — of the people sitting in our pews, are looking at and/or could be addicted to internet pornography. Stop and imagine the ugly but very real possibility of some of your own elders and deacons leaving your meeting and going home to surf porn. Think about youth leaders viewing it one minute, and leading a small group with your kids thirty minutes later. It’s ruining marriages, destroying relationships, harming youth, and hurting the body of Christ. . . . My friend, it’s time to do something about it. In fact, we need to start today. Making a difference requires action . . . . Our churches are in trouble. This is not the time to simply wait and pray.”

I have fought — and to a large extent still fight daily — the battle against pornography in my own life. It’s not a fun thing to talk about. It’s certainly not something that most people want to think about, especially as it relates to Christians and ministry leaders. However, not acknowledging and not talking about it is precisely why pornography is considered a silent epidemic that impacts far more men and women than you’d like to know. Sexual temptation really can be thought of as every man’s battle — or, for that matter, every person’s battle. Many studies and surveys have been conducted regarding sexual thoughts and behaviors. While the statistics do not always match, they do almost universally sound major alarms about the severity of the problem. Consider for a moment these statistics:

GENERAL STATISTICS

• 12% of internet websites are pornographic. That’s 24,644,172 sites! (United Families International)
• Every second $3,075.64 is spent on pornography — and 28,258 people are viewing porn. (UFI)
• Total porn industry revenue for 2006: $13.3 billion in the US; $97 billion worldwide.
• 40 million Americans are regular visitors to porn sites. (UFI)
• 29% of born-again adults in the US feel that it is morally acceptable to view movies with explicit sexual behavior. (Barna Group)
• 42% of adults believe it is “morally acceptable” to have a sexual relationship with someone of the opposite sex to whom they are not married.
• The least popular day of the year for viewing porn is Thanksgiving. (UFI)
• The most popular day of the week for viewing porn is Sunday. (UFI)

REGARDING CLERGY

• 51% of pastors say cyber-pornography is a possible temptation; 37% say it is a current struggle. (Christianity Today, Leadership Survey, December 2001)
• 20% of all the calls received on the Focus on the Family Pastoral Care Line are for help with issues such as pornography and compulsive sexual behavior.
• 33% of clergy admitted to having visited a sexually explicit website. Of those who had visited a pornographic site, 53% had visited such sites “a few times” in the past year, and 18% visit sexually explicit sites between a couple times a month and more than once a week.
• 57% of pastors say that addiction to pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregation. (Christians and Sex Leadership Journal Survey, March 2005)

REGARDING MEN

• 70% of men from age 18-24 visit a pornographic site in a typical month. (UFI)
• 67% of 18-26-year-old men believe viewing pornography is acceptable.
• 66% of men in their 20′s and 30′s admit to being regular users of pornography.
• 20% of men admit to accessing pornography at work. (UFI)
• Half of unmarried men ages 20-29 said they would have sex without any interest in marriage.

REGARDING WOMEN

• 28% of those admitted to sexual addiction are women.
• 34% of female readers of Today’s Christian Woman‘s online newsletter admitted to intentionally accessing internet pornography — and 1 out of every 6 women, including Christians, struggles with an addiction to pornography.
• 49% of 18-26-year-old women believe viewing pornography is acceptable.
• 13% of women admit to accessing pornography at work. (UFI)

REGARDING FAMILIES

• 47% of Christian families said pornography is a problem in their home. (Focus on the Family, October 2003)
• The internet was a significant factor is 2 out of 3 divorces. (American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 2003)
• 9 out of 10 children between the ages of 8 and 16 have viewed pornography on the internet, in most cases unintentionally. (London School of Economics, January 2002)
• Average age of first internet exposure to pornography: 11 (InternetFilterReview.com and UFI)
• Largest consumer of internet pornography: 12-17-year olds (various sources as of 2007)
• 1 in 7 children who use the internet have been sexually solicited. (InternetFilerReview.com 2005)
• 80% of 15-17-year-olds have had multiple hard-core exposures.

Over the last ten years there have been a number of positive attempts to proactively lift the veil from this dirty little secret. These include efforts by Promise Keepers, XXX Church, Every Man’s Battle, and Freedom Begins Here. I remain convinced, however, that we have much work left to do. It starts with me; it starts with you. I encourage you to take the following steps with regard to this issue:

1. Get your head out of the sand and acknowledge the reality of pornography’s influence in our sex-saturated society.
2. Examine your own life, and honestly assess your risk. Here’s a helpful tool for self-evaluation.
3. Purchase a filtering program for your computer, particularly any computers shared by your children — even occasionally.
4. If you struggle with sexually compulsive thoughts and/or behaviors, admit this truth to a same-sex friend who can help hold you accountable.  In fact, I urge you to have a set of friends to help keep you honest with yourself and with them. Here’s a great list of men’s accountability questions that can be customized as you see fit. Here are other accountability questions specific to men, women, couples, and teens. I strongly advise you to use an internet monitoring service that reports your internet activity to one or more accountability partners. I have used Covenant Eyes for years and highly recommend it.
5. Educate your children about the dangers of the internet (including smart phones and apps). I want my kids to learn about sex from me and my wife — not some online stranger. Don’t be afraid to start talking with them about it ‘too early.’ Chances are good that they already know more than you think.
6. Educate yourself about the ways kids can circumvent filtering.
7. Don’t let the enemy convince you that there’s nothing to worry about.

As I said in my dissertation, it’s the silence that fuels the shame that feeds the addiction. Commit to learn some things during this week of awareness. I challenge you to do  your own internet searches — but do so very carefully because you just might stumble upon something you don’t really want or need to see. David Platt, pastor of the Church at Brook Hills and author of Radical, will be addressing this issue and a variety of related topics during the Secret Church Simulcast this Friday, November 4. Click here to find a host site near you.

I pray that God will continue to use my own struggles to help other people. To Him alone be the glory!

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Here are some additional online resources you might find helpful:

• Full-page flyer explaining this awareness week and offering a number of helpful online resources
• Here’s one of the best articles I’ve ever read regarding sexual brokenness.
• Covenant Eyes – Internet monitoring and filtering services
• Breaking Free – blog of Covenant Eyes
• Great general information about the facts regarding pornography as well as resources to help you guide your children.
• Informative article about pornography’s effects on the brain, written by a neurosurgeon
• Blazing Grace – online resources for sexual addiction
• Knight’s Quest Ministries – online resources regarding internet safety; workshops and seminars for schools, churches, and organizations
• Bethesda Workshops – online resources, healing workshops for sexual addiction and co-addiction with Marnie Ferree
• Faithful and True Ministries – training, counseling, and workshops with Mark and Debbie Laaser
• The Harms of Pornography – from United Families International

Related prior posts:

• A Beer on the Bookshelf
• Reading Between the Lines
• Our Society’s #1 Problem

*Unspecified statistics come from the Archdiocese of Kansas City. For an updated and very detailed statistical report from Covenant Eyes, click here. Even more statistical data provided by Internet Filter Review can be found here — and by Pure Hope by clicking here.

To be completely honest, I have to work at being intentional to get out of my own comfort zone and meet people who aren’t in the church . . . people who aren’t like me . . . people who think and feel differently about news and current events . . and people who basically process life through a whole different lens.

The reality though is that there are many people who call themselves Christians but don’t appear to be any different than the rest of the world. Spiritual immaturity is one of my biggest frustrations as a discipleship pastor — and also the very reason that I’m so passionate about spiritual growth. David Platt, in his book Radical, makes a real case for how Christians in America have in many ways missed the whole point of the gospel. While believers in many other countries are being imprisoned, persecuted, and tortured because of their faith in Jesus Christ, Christians in this country often spend their time arguing about music/worship styles, debating carpet colors, and shopping around for churches that best accommodate their consumer mentality.

I know . . . because I hear these things in my Christian bubble. Often. That’s just one more reason I’m happy to look for avenues to build relationships with non-believers and unchurched people. I believe that it is an absolute sin to focus so heavily on our wants, needs, and preferences to the eternal detriment of those in our communities who are without Christ.

Listen to these words from Platt:

“I think with the way we have unprecedented material blessing, with the way we have a culture built on self, self-esteem, self-confidence. All of these things we begin to twist the gospel into something that it is not. We make it look like us and fit into our lifestyle instead of adjusting our lifestyle to the gospel. In the process we make following Jesus more American than it is biblical. As a result there seems to be a major disconnect between what it means to follow Christ in the first century and what it means to follow Christ in our definition in the 21st century America.” – Christian Post, May 15, 2010

(To read a transcript of David’s interview with the Christian Post, click here.)

Those words are as convicting to me as they are to anyone else. I admittedly have a long way to go in my journey as a disciple. Discipleship is a process; it doesn’t happen overnight. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, then you don’t have the luxury of deciding whether to be a Christian-in-name-only or a faithful disciple. Being a little bit Christian is just like being a little bit pregnant. You’re either with Him, or you’re without Him . . . and the margin for error is not what you want your eternal destiny to hinge upon.

The times in which we live are absolutely urgent! There are many in our own country who still have not heard the truth of Jesus Christ. As believers, we have one mission in life: to go and preach and make disciples. We are all to be ministers in our own context. May we be diligent to share the Good News — the reason for our blessed hope — while the Father’s mercy provides us the opportunity to do so.

And the next time you hear another Christian complaining about something trivial in the church, take a moment to pray for him or her – and then say a prayer for those brothers and sisters who truly understand what it means to share in the sufferings of Christ.

“Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.” – 2 Timothy 2:3, ESV

For news and  information about persecuted believers, visit Voice of the Martyrs.

IT’S YOUR TURN!
What’s on your heart today? How is God speaking in your life? What are your thoughts about Christianity in America today?

I have deemed 2011 the ‘Year of Intentionality’ for me. I’m going to be much more efficient in my use of time . . . much more focused on the things that matter most — like personal health and relationships . . . and much more disciplined in reviewing my progress at pre-determined intervals.

As I suggested in my last post, I limited myself to five specific resolutions:

1. I will improve my spiritual life by memorizing two Bible verses per month and spending at least 30 minutes per day in prayer and Bible study (above and beyond my preparation for teaching/leading in my ministry position), and read through the entire Bible this year.

PROGRESS TO DATE: I have identified 24 different Bible verses or passages to memorize — and have memorized four new verses to day, utilizing this neat online program to help me. I am using YouVersion to read through my Bible – and I’ve stayed on track. I’ve also seen an increase in the quality of my personal time with God, which has been most refreshing. Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve always tried to make sure and spend time with God; I’m just being more intentional about it this year.

2. I will lose 20 pounds by working out four times per week, cutting out soft drinks and high-fat (especially most fried) foods, drinking at least eight glasses of water per day, and eating nothing after 8:00 p.m.

PROGRESS TO DATE: I scheduled regular workouts for the entire year and have kept my commitment to healthy eating. As a result, I have lost nearly nine pounds since January 1 (which means I’m nearly half-way to my goal!).

3. I will increase the quality of our home/family life by having lunch with my kids at school one time per month and playing a game with the kids at least one evening per week.

PROGRESS TO DATE: I scheduled regular appointments with my kiddos. Unfortunately, our recent winter weather threw a kink in those plans, so I haven’t yet been able to have lunch with them at school. I have played games with them — and even won one or two of them!

4. I will pay more attention to my relationship with my wife. I outlined several action steps, which I won’t detail here.

PROGRESS TO DATE:

5. I will save money by eating more meals at home and putting aside additional money for savings and for mission/charity giving.

PROGRESS TO DATE: The meals at home have actually helped a lot with Goal #2. It’s amazing how much easier it is to control the type and amount of food just by removing some of the temptations (like restaurant menus — with photos).

I’m looking at these five things as ‘vital signs’ for me in this new year. These are the things that make or break the quality of my life. I really struggled with some health issues toward the end of last year. In spite of the fact that I’ve already experienced one kidney stone this year, I’m convinced that I’m going to see a pay-off in the long run. The choices we make today will impact the kind of body we’ll have 20 years down the road.

You know, life really is all about choices. I believe that good things happen when we make good choices one choice at a time. Now I will admit that some of those choices have been difficult ones . . . like buying the mixed box of doughnuts from Shipley today, smelling them in the car on my way to my team meeting, and watching the staff enjoy them before my very eyes. I enjoyed my bowl of whole-grain Cherios — and silently cussed the devil for putting two chocolate-filled doughnuts in that box. Those are my absolute FAVORITE! And they’ve NEVER put them in a mixed box for me before!

I’ll be honest with you. During the past year, my life became a bit unbalanced. I didn’t manage my time as well as I should have. I allowed the poor planning of other people to be my problem. And I at times treated perfect strangers better than my own family. I’m committed to making the choices necessary to become a more balanced and more effective individual, and I believe that commitment is worth keeping.

I know that you might not think resolutions are a worthwhile investment of your time and energy, but I’ve never found myself worse off for resolving to be better. It’s still early in the year . . . and thank God, we can have a fresh start any day of our choosing because His mercies are new each morning. Don’t let 2011 kick you around and beat you up. Take charge of your schedule. Set an example of love for your family. Learn to say ‘no’ to the things that aren’t essential or beneficial. I led a study at my last church called “Freedom from Busyness.” The author, Michael Zigarelli, reminded me that for every ‘yes’ Jesus gave to the many requests during his earthly ministry, there were inevitably more times when he said ‘no.’ I realize that saying ‘no’ is sometimes uncomfortable. Some people might not approve — and that’s just a risk I have to take. I’m learning the truth of the adage: “The people who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind don’t matter.”

Oh, how I wish I’d learned that a long time ago.

IT’S YOUR TURN!
How is your new year going? Have you made any positive changes in your life? What are your ‘vital signs’?

I have counseled countless individuals through the years who have suffered unimaginable abuse at the hands of friends and family members — people they should have been able to trust. While Christ’s example of forgiveness establishes the pattern for our own lives, there are many things that are quite outside the realm of our influence and control. Chief among them is the fact that while God is able to forget as far as east is from west, He has designed our brains to remember. And that design is partly for our own protection. Another factor beyond our control is the capacity to somehow undo damage that has been done.

I submit that it is entirely possible to forgive someone (that is, to set the offense aside and hold them responsible no more) without restoring the relationship to its prior level of trust and intimacy. Forgiveness, after all, is really not about the other person; it’s about the one who was offended. It is ultimately a gift we give ourselves — the freedom to move on in light of the new reality of life with a scar of some sort to help us remember the risks associated with human relationships.

I would go a step further and say that there are certain situations in which forgiveness and relationship restoration are simply incompatible goals. As parents, for example, we are charged with the safety and protection of our children — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Some offenses cut so deep that any fantasy of a three-strike rule for the offender must be immediately abandoned. To do anything else would be foolish, stupid, and wholly irresponsible.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Many offenders are masters of deception, smooth talkers, and incredible manipulators of truth. They will say and do absolutely anything to again exert their power and convince others that any natural consequences of their sin are unfair, unjust, and unwarranted.

I wish more than anything that these things were not true. I wish that the building blocks of life, once broken, could always be used to restore every relationship to its highest level of previous functioning. The truth is that fairy-tale endings are reserved for the movies, where a team of highly skilled writers, producers, and actors work together for hours on end to achieve an optimal outcome. The problem is that no relationship is perfect. No person is without sin. And no offense is too great to receive forgiveness.

Scripture says that so far as it depends on us, we are to be at peace with others. Sadly, that sometimes means forgiveness without restoration or reconciliation . . . a far cry from that fairy-tale ending our hearts yearn to experience and our souls long to see.

Forgiveness for most is a process, not a one-time action. With practice we hopefully learn to do it better with time. In the meantime we must accept its limitations just as we accept its liberty to move on.

Interact with Us!
What are your thoughts on forgiveness? Have you ever experienced a situation in which relationship restoration was not possible?

There are definitely those days when I’m tempted to throw care to the wind and just vomit all over my readers. The daily news cycle presents many opportunities for me to spew venom. However, I care far too much about you to do that. (Aren’t you glad?)

This little piece of advice has relevance to much more than just blogging though. Think about it. Every thought we allow to take root in our minds . . . every word we speak . . . every action we take . . . either adds to or detracts from our own lives — and the lives of those with whom we intersect.

For believers, every word and every action is also a reflection of the love of Christ at work within us. To be honest, we all have days when we miss the mark. Since discipleship is a process, it only stands to reason that the sinful nature within us rears its ugly head, gasping for life as we are daily crucified with Him. Sometimes we think bad thoughts. Sometimes we say bad words. Sometimes we do bad things.

Let’s be honest for a minute. There’s not a one of us who does not have somone in our life who just absolutely gets on our nerves, pushes our buttons, and all but begs for us to lash out in anger and frustration. I’ve found that God often places these people in our path to provide me with opportunities to rely on His power instead of my own.

In daily living, the goal for which we should aim is not one of perfection but one of steady growth in Christ. As we grow in wisdom and knowledge of Him, those with whom we share life (and space) should see more of Jesus and less of us. Just as we do not make a long journey in a short while, we must approach the Christian walk one step at a time.

I pray that this week will present you with many opportunities to share His love and message of redemption with those around you. As one of my seminary professors once counseled his students, “If necessary, use words.”

He must increase, but I must decrease.” – John 3:30 (ESV)

It’s a daily choice. What will you choose today?