Several months ago I visited a large bookstore to purchase a couple resources for clients struggling with sexual addiction. As I looked through the “Addiction and Recovery” section, I found a number of excellent resources from experts in the field. Some were based on the 12-step model. Others were more theory-based or homework-oriented.

You can imagine my surprise and dismay to find among those resources a number of sexually-charged books featuring a lot of bare flesh — in some cases, couples that were completely naked. I was absolutely outraged because I know how something like that can serve as a major source of frustration and temptation to one seeking to find sobriety and recovery.

I was so outraged, in fact, that I took the time to speak with the manager to explain my thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, he seemed to pretty well dismiss my comments, opting to refer me to the big guns at the corporate office “where all the decisions are made.” So I did write them and have yet to hear back.

In a recent return visit to this same bookstore chain, I found the situation unchanged. Among books such as Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, Don’t Call It Love: Recovery from Sexual Addiction, and The Sex Addiction Workbook, I found other resources on sexual positions and successful threesomes (whatever that may be), all featuring lots of skin.

Being the persistent person that I am, I again asked to speak with a manager. As I provided (perhaps in vain) a brief explanation of why the integration of these resources is completely inappropriate and, in fact, undermining to individuals in recovery, she gave me a brief explanation of why things were stocked as they were. “You see, there are just so many books on human sexuality that we had to continue the ‘Sexuality’ section onto the first two shelves of the ‘Addiction and Recovery’ section,” she said. Then, pointing to the top two shelves, she added, “Anyway, the ‘Recovery’ section really doesn’t begin until the third row.”

As I took a cursory glance at the other titles in that section, I prayed for a way to help her understand my passion for this issue. I saw titles related to eating disorders, sexual abuse, smoking, and codependency.

Then I saw several books related to alcoholism. And I had an epiphany of sorts. Pointing at the alcoholism resources, I told the manager, “The way you have all these books integrated, you might as well have a beer on the bookshelf right next to this book on overcoming alcoholism because to a sex addict, these sexuality resources are just as much a problem.”

She replied, “Oh, really? I think I get it now. I’ll talk with our other managers at our next staff meeting and see what we can do. But these decisions are made at our corporate office and based on the amount of shelf space purchased by the publishers, so it’s a pretty complicated thing to change.”

So is addiction. But hopefully at some point, a positive change will be made. For now though, I will continue to purchase therapeutic resources for my clients and re-sell them at cost — rather than sending them into the lion’s den to risk a major downward spiral.

The next time you visit your local bookstore, I encourage you to check out these sections and let me know what you find.

Our voyeuristic culture seems to be obsessed with news that is sensual, titillating, and scandalous. However, the thing about the whole Eliot Spitzer situation that most troubles me is not the story itself — or the seeming obsession with it. As a counselor and minister, I seldom find myself shocked by sin. The thing that troubles me most is the attitude that even many Christian people have about it all.

I don’t claim to be an expert on the Spitzer family. I don’t know their religious background or lack thereof. I didn’t even know their party affiliation until today. However, I do know that whether by disclosure or discovery, this kind of sin hurts not only the individual but also the entire family.

I cringed on Monday when the story broke, as I watched various people interviewed and expressing glee at the Governor’s plight. Does sin have consequences? Absolutely. But I think Christians should rise above reveling in the sin, sorrow, and sadness of others.

What would Christ do? He would, of course, confront the sin with truth. But I think He would also demonstrate a great deal of compassion as well. In the present situation, we have a wife who is being judged for standing by her husband in several press appearances — obviously distressed and hurt. We also have three daughters — whose lives have been torn apart — now thrust into the media spotlight. This is not a made-for-TV movie; these are real people with real feelings.

Compassion — not condemnation — is the appropriate Christian response. There is none among us without sin. Sure, most of us have never had our sins exposed in such a public way . . . but Christ died for our sins as well.

I don’t know much about this family. I do know that he has a problem — and the family has a problem. That has probably been the case for quite some time. However, now the whole world knows about their problems, and that is a terrible pain to bear.

The reality is this: for every one politician whose imperfections are exposed to light, there are thousands upon thousands of other people dealing with the same kinds of issues. I urge you to pray for these people. Practice compassion . . . even when deep down you think the person may deserve exactly what he or she is getting.

After all, doing what is right doesn’t always come naturally.

What’s the topic? It’s sexual addiction — and it’s a problem that we must begin to wage vigorous war against.

In recent years, with the proliferation of the internet, sexual addiction has become an increasingly prevalent issue — one that is impacting all kinds of people. The fact of the matter is that sexual compulsivity may be one of most indiscriminating problems in society today. It touches people of all ages, races, cultures, religions, occupations, education levels, and socioeconomic brackets.

This issue is one of great importance to me because, if left unchecked, it will destroy families. My life’s call is to help grow strong families and healthy churches — both daunting tasks in their own right. Because of the significance of this issue, I have chosen sexual addiction as the primary research topic for my doctoral project — which is currently in the writing phase. So today’s seminar served a two-fold purpose: (1) continuing education and (2) additional research.

I have counseled a number of full-fledged sex addicts during my practice as a therapist. I have also seen friends and colleagues lose nearly everything due to their own struggles with compulsivity and addiction. I use the two words pretty interchangeably, for all intents and purposes. After all, compulsive behavior is a building block of addiction, and addiction generally refers to the unmanageability level of life with the problem.

What used to be thought of as a primarily male problem is now finding its way into the live of an increasing number of women. As a matter of fact, recent research indicates that women now account for 40% of all consumption of online pornography. That is a significant increase over just three or four years ago. It seems that the pornographers have learned how to market their product to more relationally-oriented women through the use of sexually-related chatrooms and erotic stories.

The indicators of our sex-crazed culture are all around us. The thing about sexual addiction, though, is that it really isn’t about sex at all. It’s about power and control. Sex is merely the vehicle by which those things are achieved.

Sexual addiction most often grows out of some kind of traumatic experience. That experience can be overt or covert, but the end result is largely the same: an inability to experience true emotional intimacy and connection with another person — and an unhealthy understanding and application of human sexuality.

Sexual addiction is a process addiction, meaning that it is a distortion of something that is necessary and inescapable in life. Sexuality is something everyone has to deal with in some way or another. Other process problems center around food, in the case of eating disorders, and money, in the case of gambling or compulsive spending. Sex, food, and money are things we all must have some sort of relationship with in order to live productive lives.

Perhaps the saddest thing to me about sexual addiction — other than the fact that it can destroy so completely — is that of all the addictions, it is the one in which shame is most extreme. In fact, shame and isolation are both fuel and by-products of the addiction, leading strugglers into a vicious cycle marked by chaos, deep loneliness, and a profound sense of despair.

Perhaps you or someone you love is caught in the web of sexual addiction. Help is available to you. There are so many resources and tools to help in the battle. But the battle must be waged — and it must be a personal one.

If you are reading this and thinking, “Gosh, Garrick, the problem can’t be that bad,” then I urge you to get your head out of the sand and recognize the seriousness of it. Shame is fueled by silence. You can be part of the solution just by acknowledging the gravity of the problem.

There’s so much more I could say about this issue, but I’ll save that for another day. For now, if you need help or guidance in this area, please contact a counselor who can provide education, accountability, support, and most of all, a sense of healing and restoration.