As a follower of Christ, I absolutely must believe in the power of forgiveness. Why? Because I, above all, have been the beneficiary of His forgiveness. I’m not writing today to talk about the limitations of Christ’s forgiveness but of the limitations of human forgiveness.
I have counseled countless individuals through the years who have suffered unimaginable abuse at the hands of friends and family members — people they should have been able to trust. While Christ’s example of forgiveness establishes the pattern for our own lives, there are many things that are quite outside the realm of our influence and control. Chief among them is the fact that while God is able to forget as far as east is from west, He has designed our brains to remember. And that design is partly for our own protection. Another factor beyond our control is the capacity to somehow undo damage that has been done.
I submit that it is entirely possible to forgive someone (that is, to set the offense aside and hold them responsible no more) without restoring the relationship to its prior level of trust and intimacy. Forgiveness, after all, is really not about the other person; it’s about the one who was offended. It is ultimately a gift we give ourselves — the freedom to move on in light of the new reality of life with a scar of some sort to help us remember the risks associated with human relationships. Continue Reading…
